


Without a Mouth I Can Swear Your Name

by tothewillofthepeople



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Six of Crows Series - Leigh Bardugo, The Grisha Trilogy - Leigh Bardugo
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hogwarts, Alternate Universe - Magic, Angst, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Kidnapping, Multi, Non-Graphic Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-01
Updated: 2017-03-14
Packaged: 2018-09-21 07:13:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 32,541
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9537413
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tothewillofthepeople/pseuds/tothewillofthepeople
Summary: Kaz looked at Matthias coldly. “What do you want?”“I want to know where Wylan Van Eck is,” Matthias said.(a Six of Crows Hogwarts AU)





	1. Matthias

**Author's Note:**

> the title is from [this poem,](http://kvothes.tumblr.com/post/152412102165/extinguish-my-eyes-ill-go-on-seeing-you-seal) which is about kaz and inej as far as I'm concerned.
> 
> i promise this story is more lighthearted than the tags make it sound.
> 
> this whole fic is already finished, so chapter updates will be frequent. no long hiatuses, i promise!

Anyone who thought Hufflepuffs were weak or foolish were quickly disabused of that notion by one Matthias Helvar. He was tall, and blond, and constantly furious. His fellow Hufflepuffs joked that he had enough bitterness for the whole house to share; they didn’t need any of their own. He was Captain of their Quidditch team, upon which he played Keeper with an almost fanatical devotion. He was also uncommonly good at Transfiguration, widely regarded as one of the most difficult subjects in the castle.

He was the most intimidating boy in Hufflepuff– he would have been the most intimidating in the school if it weren’t for that bastard Kaz.

But it didn’t matter to Matthias. A pure menacing nature couldn’t save him from everything, which was why he was spitting blood onto the green grass of the Quidditch pitch.

“I feel like you would have learned how to duck by now,” Jesper Fahey said thoughtfully. He jumped back with a grin when Matthias kicked at him. “I’m just saying! You broke your nose in the last match, I didn’t think you were going for a repeat performance…”

Matthias tried to kick him again. Jesper hopped on his broom and began circling around Matthias, only a few feet above the grass of the pitch.

“Tell me again why you thought practicing with the Slytherins was a good idea?”

“I didn’t,” Matthias growled. “There were scheduling conflicts, and this was the only solution.”

The Slytherins were nasty team if ever there was one. Their captain, Gerrigan, was a real piece of work. He played Keeper, like Matthias, but unlike Matthias he was a cheat and a sneak.

Much to Matthias’s consternation, the Hufflepuffs and Slytherins had been forced to share the pitch for practice all week. All the usual practice times had been taken up by the Gryffindors and Ravenclaws, in preparation for their oncoming match.

It was terrible. Matthias hated everything. He had half a mind to go after the Gryffindor captain with a Beater’s bat if he had to practice alongside that bastard Gerrigan one more time.

He spat into the grass.

“All good?”

“I should probably go to the nurse,” Matthias muttered, climbing back on his broom, “but it can wait.”

He and Jesper rose swiftly back into the air, joining the rest of the Hufflepuff team around the goalposts.

One of the other Chasers called, “All right there, cap?” as Matthias and Jesper approached, and Matthias waved her off with a weary hand.

“I’m fine,” he said. “We’re only out here for a few more minutes, it’ll keep until then.”

“Only if they stay over there,” Jesper observed, sending a dark look at the Slytherins on the other side of the pitch. “How bad of a Beater do you have to be to send a Bludger all the way over here?”

“You thought it was an accident?” Matthias asked, raising both his eyebrows.

Jesper stared at him for a moment, frowning. Then he sighed and slumped on his broom. “You know me,” he said, swinging his arm half-heartedly. “Always willing to see the best in people.”

The Bludger had come out of nowhere, striking Matthias against his nose and cheekbone before he even saw it. He was lucky it hadn’t hit him head-on, or his bones could have shattered. But he’d been mid-dive, catching a Quaffle from one of his own chasers, and the Bludger had only been able to do minimal damage.

“Don’t let it ruin your optimism,” Matthias said, clapping Jesper on the shoulder. “It’s a more likely a family thing than a House thing.”

Practice continued. Matthias was proud of his team. It was his second and last year as captain, and he felt like he had settled into the role nicely. Last year he had lead the Hufflepuffs to victory for the Quidditch Cup, an achievement which had earned Hufflepuff enough points to take the House Cup as well. Yes, last year had been a good year to be a Hufflepuff.

This year, Matthias felt like he would be lucky to make it off the pitch with his skull in one piece. Gerrigan seemed determined to make his life miserable and cause as much bodily harm as he could along the way.

Luckily, there were no more errant Bludgers by the time Matthias called practice to an end. “I want you all to go to the game tomorrow,” he called as the team landed on the ground. “We still have another game with Gryffindor before the end of the year. Watch how they fly. Find their weaknesses.” His team mumbled their assent and trudged off to put away their brooms.

Matthias walked up to the castle in an unusually good mood, given that there was still dried blood all over his face. Jesper ambled easily at his side, telling a convoluted story that Matthias wasn’t following very well. It seemed to involve an ill-timed shot of Firewhiskey and a Defense Against the Dark Arts class.

“I’ve got to go to the hospital wing,” Matthias said. “If you get to the Charms classroom before me, will you let everyone in?”

Jesper’s eyes lit up. “Tonight’s challenge night, right?”

“Yes.”

Jesper whooped. Then he ran off. Matthias wouldn’t be surprised if he forgot to eat dinner, in his excitement. He shook his head and headed off to the hospital wing.

Genya was folding linens when he got there. She jumped when she saw him. “Goodness, sit down,” she said, steering him to the back of the wing. “What happened?” Her eyes were sympathetic. Matthias had to remind himself not to stare at the rest of her ruined face.

“Bludger,” he said. He didn’t need to snitch on the Slytherins.

Genya hummed and handed him a vial of something for the pain. “I always expect dueling,” she said morosely. “And it’s always Quidditch. I suppose there was much more fighting going on when I was a student here.”

Matthias drank his potion and sat very still as she set his nose with her wand. “You should be fine,” she said, tilting her head to look at him critically. “Come back if you start breathing smoke out your nostrils.”

That got a smile out of Matthias. “I will,” he promised. Then he left.

Dinner was a quick affair. Matthias hardly noticed what he was eating; he swallowed a few hasty bites, washed it down with pumpkin juice, and then ran up through the castle corridors to get to the dueling club.

Jesper was already in the Charms classroom, chatting easily to a few other Hufflepuffs. “Is everyone here?” Matthias called out, setting his wand down on a desk and rolling up his sleeves. He tried to calm his heavy breathing so no one would see he had run.

Jesper rolled his eyes. “It’s a club, not a class,” he said. “We aren’t taking attendance.”

“The only way to get better at dueling is to practice every week,” Inej Ghafa said from across the room. She was sitting on the windowsill with Nina Zenik.

“It’s not like we need a charter, like Saint Alina had,” Jesper replied as Matthias joined him in the center of the room and looked around at the assembled students. “We’re not training for a war here.”

“It’s not as dire,” Inej conceded, “but you never know what could happen. Evil didn’t stop with Alina Starkov. This could save your life someday.”

There was a murmur of agreement from the crowd of students. Matthias kept his mouth shut.

Starkov. She was still notorious here. The underground militant group she’d formed as a student was legendary. Under the Darkling’s cruel regime, surrounded by adults who she didn’t trust, she had gathered together allies and taught them in secret. It had almost gotten her expelled.

Matthias had been a child during the war between Starkov and the Darkling. A child in the clutches of a Pureblood family who thought the Darkling was the savior of wizardkind. He had been raised on that belief. It had been forced down his throat like a potion. Until he’d gotten to Hogwarts, he hadn’t known anything else.

To people like Inej, Alina was a saint. She was the true savior. A Slytherin and a witch and an unstoppable force. She had killed the Darkling and died in the process. She had freed them all. Matthias never knew what to think of her– in the discourse of his childhood, Starkov was akin to a curse word. Coming to Hogwarts had been about unlearning as much as it had been about learning.

Inej was right, of course. The dueling club they had now was the direct descendent of Alina Starkov’s group of rebels. It was thanks to her that they could meet and learn how to fight.

“Take it as a motivation,” Matthias said then. He would keep his reservations about Alina to himself. “Ask yourself: would I win a duel against Morozova?”

Someone near him flinched. It was a Ravenclaw named Raske, unless Matthias was mistaken. Matthias looked directly at him. “Calling him the Darkling means playing by his rules,” he said. “He was a man. His name was Aleksander Morozova. Will you say it?”

Raske looked pale. But he swallowed and said, “Aleksander Morozova.”

Matthias nodded. “What are you going to do to Aleksander Morozova?”

This time, Raske grinned. “I’m going to beat him in a fucking duel.”

“That’s the spirit!” Jesper yelled.

“Don’t get ahead of yourself,” a Slytherin girl said dryly. “You can’t even beat Jesper in a duel.”

“Jesper’s undefeated,” Raske shot back.

“So was the Darkling, before Starkov got to him. If you can’t beat Fahey you sure as hell can’t beat a dark wizard.” The Slytherin girl was sitting on one of the desks at the front of the classroom. Matthias was pretty sure her name was Dunyasha Lazareva– she played Seeker for the Slytherin Quidditch team.

Inej spoke up again, sounding exasperated. “We’re not _actually_ training ourselves for battle, for Merlin’s sake,” she said. “Get a reality check, Dunyasha.” At her side, Nina tried to hide a smile behind her hand. She caught Matthias’s eye and winked. His face burned, but he gave her a nod in return.

Lazareva shot Inej a nasty look. “You’re the one who was bringing up how important Saint Alina’s legacy was,” she muttered.

“There’s a difference between respecting a legacy and trying to get students to attack each other,” Inej snapped back.

“Who said I was trying to get anyone to attack?”

“You were baiting Raske to go after Jesper, and you know it.”

“Enough,” Matthias said. “We’re doing bouts today. Any challengers?”

“I want to challenge Jesper Fahey,” Raske said quickly, before anyone else could speak.

Matthias pinched the bridge of his nose. Dunyasha grinned and Inej glared. 

Jesper just shrugged. “I’ll take that challenge,” he said.

“Anyone else?” Matthias asked.

Dunyasha raised her hand, affecting an innocent expression. “I want to challenge Inej Ghafa.”

Someone whistled. Inej’s glare increased in intensity, but all she said was, “I accept.”

“Anyone else?” Matthias asked loudly. The room was silent. All the students shifted and stared at the four who had already promised to fight.

Only Jesper seemed completely relaxed. “We doing bets today?” he asked.

“No one is going to bet against you,” Matthias said, exasperated. 

Jesper turned to Raske. “Winner gets five Galleons?” he asked. “What do you say?”

Raske hesitated. His pride and common sense were clearly at war. Around the room, Matthias could see more sensible students making wagers about Dunyasha and Inej. Dunyasha herself was still sitting on the desk, trying to affect an elegant pose. Inej was braiding back her hair. Her expression was blank.

“Five Galleons,” Raske said, shaking Jesper’s hand. Then he looked at Matthias. “Ladies first, right?” he asked weakly.

“Are you two ready to go right away?” Matthias asked. Inej and Dunyasha both nodded. “That’s how we’ll do it, then. Everyone out of the way.”

The students moved back, forming a ring around the center of the room. Matthias moved the desks out of the way with a wave of his wand; as soon as they had stopped moving, several students climbed on top of them for a better vantage point. Jesper had taken Inej’s place on the windowsill, next to Nina.

Inej and Dunyasha had already positioned themselves in the center of the circle, ten feet apart, Matthias stood between them with his wand in his hand. “Usual rules,” he said. “No drawing blood. No maiming. No Unforgivables. The bout ends either when one person is disarmed or when one person forfeits.” He conjured a yellow silk ribbon and held it up. “Begin when the ribbon hits the ground. Good luck.” He held up the ribbon, dropped it, and stepped back to join the circle of breathless students.

The students watched the girls. The girls watched the ribbon. When it hit the ground, they struck.

_“Stupefy!”_

_“Protego! Petrificus Totalus!”_

So they went, like a dance. Dunyasha’s face was red with effort; Inej was expressionless and precise. They were both excellent duelers, though Matthias privately thought that Inej was more resourceful. Pity he hadn’t had a chance to bet on it.

Inej sent another hex. Dunyasha dropped to one knee to avoid it and sent a wordless arc of light across the room at Inej. Inej managed to deflect most of it with a wave of her wand, but the edge of the light hit her upper arm, tearing open her shirt above the elbow. Matthias frowned. He wasn’t sure what that curse was. Inej responded by dousing Dunyasha in water– it seemed to enrage her more than anything else, but from the faint smile on Inej’s face, that had been the point.

The duel lasted longer than most. Matthias wasn’t surprised. Neither girl dueled often, but when they did it was always with each other. Dunyasha was wrathful. Inej was bitter. They circled each other like enemies, not students. That was also unsurprising; Inej was Seeker for the Gryffindor team, just as Dunyasha was for Slytherin. They had gone against each other in matches far too often to ever be friends.

Matthias might have been biased, but he thought Inej was the superior Seeker as well. He would only admit this to himself, grudgingly. She was hell on the pitch, and had snatched victory for the Gryffindors from under his nose more than once.

Inej’s hair was coming out of its braid. Her lips were barely parted, but her expression was still neutral– she was fighting almost entirely wordlessly. Dunyasha was pulling up Shield Charms more than anything else, moving quickly on her feet to avoid Inej’s spells and only throwing back hexes which were easily deflected. The tide of the duel was against her, and she seemed to know it. She snarled and cast two wordless charms at Inej in quick succession.

Inej deflected the first but the second caught her in the hip, immobilizing her leg. She fell to one knee. Even incapacitated, she managed to cast an impressive Stunning charm at Dunyasha without hesitation.

Dunyasha slashed the charm aside and yelled, _“Sectumsempra!”_

Matthias jumped forward in an instant. _“Expelliarmus!”_

Inej got a Shield Charm up just in time to deflect Dunyasha’s curse. Dunyasha’s wand flew out of her hand and into the air, where Matthias caught it. He kept his own wand pointed at Dunyasha as she turned to him, seething.

“That spell is forbidden,” he said. “You forfeit the duel.”

“Like _hell,”_ Dunyasha snarled. “I beat her. I’ll beat her again. Give me back my wand.”

Matthias marched to the back of the classroom. The students in his way scattered. When he got to the door he pulled it open, looked Dunyasha straight in the eye, and threw her wand into the corridor. “Go get it,” he said.

Dunyasha turned scarlet. Without another word, she ran from the room after the wand. Matthias slammed the door behind her and returned to the center of the classroom.

Everyone stared at him. Inej was the only exception; she was back on her feet, mending the tear in her sleeve with her wand.

“So… Who wins the betting on that fight?” Jesper asked hesitantly.

Matthias rolled his eyes. “Dunyasha forfeited by using an unsuitable spell. Inej wins.” There were murmurs of excitement all throughout the room. Matthias pretended like he couldn’t hear the clink of gold and silver changing hands.

He tried not to look at Nina. He did anyway. She was grinning at Inej and saying something too low for anyone else to hear.

“Raske and Fahey,” Matthias said. “You’re up.”

Jesper jumped up and bounced to the center of the room, grinning. He looked excited. He’d already rolled his sleeves up, and his yellow Hufflepuff tie was hanging out of one of his pockets. Raske, by comparison, looked nervous. He was holding his wand so tightly that his knuckles were white.

“You know the rules,” Matthias said. He conjured a ribbon. He let it fall.

Raske’s spellwork had improved immeasurably over the course of the year. He had more confidence and control. Matthias had no doubt that he’d be a formidable duelist, given more time. 

Unfortunately, Jesper was better. Call it talent, or skill, but Jesper Fahey was a different man during a duel. He wore the same smile but was undeniably different. He stood taller. His eyes were brighter. The lazy grip he usually kept on his mahogany wand was tighter, more controlled. He wasn’t graceful, like Inej. He didn’t rely on sheer force like Matthias. Jesper dueled like someone working apart a complicated puzzle; he sidestepped and evaded and twisted everything to his advantage. It was maddening. Dueling with him was like trying to attack the air. Not even Matthias could truly best him. They always ended in a draw.

Even so, Raske put up a good fight. He knew how to look for the places where Jesper hesitated or left himself uncovered. He was mostly on the defensive, but he managed to catch Jesper unawares more than once. Within a few minutes, however, Jesper had disarmed him.

Matthias stepped forward, but Jesper was already tossing Raske’s wand back to him. “Keep going!” he said. Raske caught his wand and cast a hex without even hesitating. Jesper blocked it, grinning, and sent one back. Matthias stepped away and watched the two students circle each other.

Then Raske began throwing hex after hex at Jesper, throwing all caution to the winds. His expression was wild with exhilaration. Jesper, similarly, began to laugh. For the first time in the duel he was entirely on the defensive, and he looked delighted. He jumped up on a desk and cast a Shield Charm just before a fiery curse from Raske caught him right in the face.

Raske cast another wild spell. It hit Jesper’s shield at an angle and bounced. Students near the door jumped back as the spell hit it, causing a small explosion. Matthias flinched as the door, smoking and flaming around the edges, fell inwards and landed on the stone classroom floor with a bang!

The smoke cleared to reveal Kaz Brekker standing in the broken hole that used to be the doorway, holding his cane aloft. “That was convenient,” he said. “I didn’t even have to knock.”

Matthias had to resist the urge to punch someone. He’d never met such an insufferable drama queen as Kaz, and he’d also never met someone who knew how to make a better entrance. The smoke and embers still swirling around Kaz’s black school robes were annoyingly impressive. He’d even managed to keep his face clean of any ashes. It was like an engraving from a book of fairy tales: the villain enters, immaculately dressed and ready to wreak havoc.

“Here to join the betting, Kaz?” Jesper asked cheerfully. His face was covered with soot but he was grinning and still standing on the desk. “I’m not sure who won this bout, but it’s been a hell of a night so far.”

“I just came to spectate,” Kaz said. “It looks like I’ve missed most of the action, though.” His eyes found Inej. He gave her a short nod, which she returned.

“Technically Jasper and Raske’s bout isn’t done yet,” Matthias pointed out. Raske looked around, surprised, and raised his wand hastily when Jasper turned to face him again.

Kaz limped through the open doorway and settled himself against one of the other desks so he could see. Matthias considered repairing the door, then left it. He didn’t want to stall the match for much longer or Raske might pass out. “Go ahead,” he said, nodding to the two duelers. 

Raske swallowed. Jasper flipped his wand in his hand and grinned.

Two minutes later Raske was lying on the floor, Stunned, and Jesper was bowing to the smattering applause he got from the surrounding students. Kaz was actually grinning. It was rather alarming.

“That’s five Galleons to me, then,” Jesper said. “I should probably wake him up.” He knelt beside Raske.

“Anyone else?” Matthias asked, looking around the classroom. “Any scores to settle? We could try breaking a window, too.” The surrounding students laugh, even though Matthias hadn’t been joking. Matthias shot a glance at Kaz, wondering if the black-handed Slytherin had a bone to pick with anyone, but Kaz wasn’t looking at him. “No one?” Matthias asked. “All right. That was productive. I’ll see you all next week.”

People began filing out of the classroom, gossiping and laughing and discussing the duels. Kaz was talking to a few other students; it looked like bets were being made on the upcoming match. On the floor, Raske was sitting up and counting out coins to give to Jesper.

“Merlin’s sake,” Matthias grumbled. “Make sure he’s okay before you start picking his pockets, Jesper.”

“I’m fine,” Raske said, shrugging as he handed over the gold. “Nothing hurt but my pride.”

Jesper clapped him on the shoulder. “You’re getting better,” he said.

“I’ll beat you one day,” Raske promised. Then he hauled himself to his feet. “Are you two going to dinner?”

Jesper flipped one of his coins, caught it, and put it smoothly in his pocket. “Actually, I thought I’d head to the library,” he said, grinning sheepishly. “Wylan said he’d be there studying tonight.”

Matthias shook his head. “Have fun,” he said. Jesper gave him a lazy salute and headed for the door.

Raske turned to ask him a question then, and Matthias got so caught up in talking about Unforgiveable curses that he didn’t see anyone else leaving. When he looked up again, the only people in the room apart from him and Raske were Inej and Nina. Kaz, as well as the other students, were gone.

“Have a good night, Matthias!” Raske said. He jumped over the fallen door and disappeared into the hallway, obviously heading for a second dinner. Matthias shook his head and turned to look at the two girls still in the room.

“Good duel, Ghafa,” he said. She gave him a very cool look. At her side, Nina looked like she was trying not to laugh. 

“What she means is, ‘thank you, Matthias,’” Nina said.

Inej coughed. “Do I?”

Laughter was still playing around the corners of Nina’s eyes, but she didn’t say anything. Matthias had to work hard to not stare. Instead, he looked at the ruined door. “Typical of everyone to leave this to me,” he muttered.

“We’d help, but we have dinner to catch up on,” Nina said, giving Matthias a smile. He rubbed his collarbone absentmindedly as he watched her step over the door. “Coming, Inej?”

Inej startled them both by shaking her head. “You go along,” she said. “I ought to help with the door.”

“You don’t have to,” Matthias said. She just stared at him. “I would be grateful for the help,” he amended.

“Come to dinner when you’re done,” Nina said, giving Inej a curious look. Then she disappeared down the corridor after Raske. Matthias shook his head and bent to inspect the door.

“I can repair the hinges,” he said, after a moment. “I’m not sure about the wood, though. I don’t know what Raske hit it with.”

“I can do it,” Inej said. “I don’t recognize the spell either– he probably just panicked and fucked up. It’s a good thing this didn’t hit Jesper.” Matthias nodded. He rolled up his sleeves and the two of them got to work.

Putting out the lingering flames was a priority, but it was the work of a moment. Matthias went to the hinges on the door as Inej began moving her wand steadily over the ruined wood of the felled door. After a few quiet moments, she spoke. “Did you ever apologize to her?”

Matthias paused. He felt like shame would eat him alive, starting with his heart. “No,” he admitted. He didn’t meet Inej’s eyes.

Inej kept weaving her spell. “Nina is very forgiving,” she said. “I’m sure you’ve noticed. Everything is water under the bridge to her. I don’t agree with that philosophy.” She finally looked up and gave Matthias a very hard stare. “I think if someone has done a wrong, and recognizes that wrong, they should always admit it.”

“Inej,” Matthias said seriously, “I’ve been sitting on an apology for two years now.”

“Then why haven’t you said it?” she asked.

He didn’t have an answer.

Inej brought her wand to rest at her side. The wood of the door was gleaming and unmarked again. “I want to believe that you’re better than the boy you were when Nina first met you,” she said. “You’ve given every indication that you’ve changed. But you still haven’t apologized.”

Matthias glared at her. “My past has nothing to do with you.”

“It does when my friends got hurt because of it.” Inej slipped her wand inside her sleeve and stepped delicately through the still-smoldering doorway. “Nina doesn’t know what to do with you. With your kindness. You should talk to her.”

“I will,” Matthias said. In his head he wondered, _will I?_

When he looked up again, Inej was gone. He hadn’t heard her footsteps. Was everyone in this school as shady as Kaz? Matthias shook his head and kept working on the hinges, hoping that no professors would come along and catch him at it. Brum only vaguely tolerated the dueling club as it was. If he knew they had destroyed the door to the Charms classroom, he might take steps to disband it. Matthias didn’t want that.

Luckily, no one came along. Matthias was able to fit the door back in the frame and leave the classroom looking just as it had earlier in the evening. He strolled away with his hands in his pockets, remorseless.

His path down to the kitchen took him past Alina Starkov’s portrait, like usual. He slowed down to look at it, like usual, and Starkov stared back. She raised her white eyebrows as though she were challenging him. Her portrait had no plaque. It was not overly ornate. The only obvious marker of the subject’s identity was her white-blonde hair. She had been painted with a gentle, hazy background, as though she were standing in sunlight. It was a plain portrait for the savior of the wizarding world. As a child, Matthias used to wish it was more ostentatious, so he could be justified in hating it. 

“Why do you look at me as though I’m about to set your frame on fire?” he asked, after a few moments of watching Alina in her frame.

“Because you look at my frame like you’re considering it,” she said easily.

Matthias crossed his arms. “They call you a saint, you know,” he said. “I hear them. In the hallways, in dueling club. Some students come because they want to be a part of your _legacy.”_

He had told her this before, always looking to get a reaction. The portrait, though it had many of Alina’s mannerisms, didn’t seem to hold memories. 

This time, the painted Alina frowned at him. “There are students who don’t know that this is my portrait,” she pointed out. “They’re turning me into a myth. Let them.”

“You want them to think you were a myth?” Matthias challenged. “That you weren’t real?”

She raised one white eyebrow. “Who says myths aren’t real? Morozova was a myth, wasn’t he?” She tipped her head to one side. “The best way to stay alive is to convince everyone you’re already dead.”

Matthias squinted at her. He didn’t trust the portrait. She had said similar things before, implying things about the Darkling that only she seemed to know. That was supposed to be impossible– portraits usually knew very little about the lives of their subjects. Alina Starkov’s portrait, however, was clever.

He had started fighting with the portrait as a first year. He was newly sorted in Hufflepuff and dealing with the scorn of his entire family, who had been in Slytherin for generations. Matthias couldn’t remember why his eleven-year-old self had decided to go looking for the portrait. Maybe just to pick a fight with the Hogwarts hero.

Which was exactly what he was doing now, seven years later. He sighed. He had very few constants in his life. He didn’t speak to his family– they had burned him off the family tree when he was fifteen. The only things he could rely on were Hogwarts and his ongoing feud with this foolish portrait. Soon he wouldn’t even have those. He was a seventh-year; as soon as his NEWTs were over, he would be gone.

“What do you want your legacy to be?” he asked, suddenly melancholy.

Alina looked at him thoughtfully. “That I did the right thing,” she said finally.

Matthias nodded. Then he walked away. He wanted to go to bed. He wanted to erase every small, annoying thing that had happened that day. He wanted to purge himself of every sharp, cruel thing he had ever done in his life.

Inej’s words were like a brand in his memory. Her stern face swam in his thoughts, mixed in with the color of Nina’s eyes and Matthias’s own shame. Nina was the kindest girl he’d ever met, and so lovely it made Matthias stutter and trip when he saw her. She deserved good things in every part of her life. To Matthias’s own despair, all he had ever given her when they first met was distrust and cruelty. It was another hallmark of his intolerant upbringing– the thought of sharing the school with a part-Veela, even one as pretty as Nina, had driven him wild with aggravation.

He would take back every word now, if he could. It had been years since he had gotten over those feelings, but, as Inej had pointed out, he had never truly apologized.

He thought about Inej. He thought about Alina Starkov. He thought about Nina, and then tried not to, and then thought about her anyway.

When he got to his dorm, it was a long time before he got in bed. Once he was in bed, it was a long time before he could sleep. His rest was fitful. His dreams were unkind.

The common room was nearly empty when Matthias got up the next day, so he headed directly down to the Great Hall for breakfast. He felt half-asleep, but as he ate he formed vague plans in his mind for talking to Nina. The thought of apologizing was still daunting. Maybe he could work his way up to it.

He was deeply involved with his thoughts, but he would have been a fool to not notice when Jesper sat next to him, looking troubled. Jesper didn’t start eating right away, which was more than enough to rouse Matthias’s concern.

“What’s wrong, Jesper?” he asked.

“I don’t know,” Jesper said. His expression was closed and uncomfortable. “Radmakker says that Wylan is missing.”


	2. Inej

If Matthias Helvar broke stereotypes about Hufflepuffs, Kaz Brekker enforced them for Slytherins. He was heartless, ruthless, and entirely remorseless. He had been put in detention so many times for hexing classmates that his contemporaries wondered how he ever got any work done. 

There were rumors about him, too. Kaz Brekker spent every night in the Restricted Section of the library. Kaz Brekker had gone into the Forbidden Forest and emerged with a dragon on a leash. Kaz Brekker had been thrown from the astronomy tower, and had survived. He knew every secret passageway in the castle. He knew every Unforgivable Curse. He could fly without a broom. His soul was split in two.

“That’s ridiculous,” Inej said angrily, when the last was spoken. “Kaz is a student, not a monster. He’s not the _Darkling._ I don’t think _any_ of these stories are true.”

“The flying one is true,” a fourth-year named Shay argued. “I saw him do it. Last year. I was out past midnight and saw him out one of the windows on the third floor.”

“And I bet you saw Saint Alina right behind him,” Nina said dryly. “Lighting the sky up with gold and silver and turning back the rain.”

The common room dissolved into snickers. Shay scowled at Nina but didn’t restate his claim.

Inej leaned her head against Nina’s shoulder and sighed. Much as she loved her house, they were certainly quick to judge.

There weren’t many of them in the common room. Nina and Inej were taking advantage of the free hour they had after lunch, and everyone else seemed to be doing the same, except for a few students in the corners who were using the time to frantically catch up on homework.

Inej pulled her skirt down over her knees and slumped back in her chair. She felt like she hadn’t had a moment’s rest in weeks, what with classes and Quidditch practice and studying for exams. Sitting for even an hour after lunch seemed extravagant, almost to the point of foolishness. There were a thousand small, productive tasks she could have been doing instead. Instead, she dug her toes into the rug beneath her and continued to brood.

“We’d better go soon,” Nina said. “We’ll be late for Charms.”

Inej sighed. “Let me go get my books,” she said. She pushed herself out of the chair and went jumping up the steps to the girl’s dorm, where her books and papers were stacked tidily on her bedside table. She pulled out the textbooks and essays she needed for Potions and Charms, then sat on the edge of the bed to pull her shoes on. She liked to go barefoot whenever she was in Gryffindor Tower. Fewer people made jokes about it, now that she was in her sixth year at the school, but she knew that many other students thought her to be a bit of an oddity. She didn’t particularly care.

“Ready?” Nina asked, when Inej met her at the portrait hole. Together they ducked out of the common room and started making their way through the castle to the Charms classroom.

Halfway through one of the long stone corridors, Inej saw something flicker in the corner of her eye. She stopped dead and stared out the window.

“What is that?”

Nina stopped and stepped over to peer out the window. “Just a bird, Inej.”

“It looks hurt.” Inej pressed her face right up against the glass. “Hold my books, will you?”

“Inej, don’t,” Nina pleaded, but she took the textbooks that Inej unloaded on her and looked around anxiously as Inej slipped off her shoes. “One day you’re going to fall right off the roof!”

“If they didn’t want me on the roof they shouldn’t have put a window here,” Inej said primly. With a last glance around the deserted corridor she pushed open the window and hopped up on the stone sill. Moments later, her feet alighted on the slate roof of Hogwarts castle.

“Be careful!” Nina called out the window after her.

Inej hardly heard her. She was in no danger– the slate was cold, of course, but she could balance better in her bare feet. There was enough wind to stir the ends of her hair but not enough to push her off the apex of the roof.

She skipped lightly along the length of it with her eyes fixed on the unfortunate bird.

Inej was not afraid of falling. She was not afraid of heights. She was a little afraid of a professor seeing her from one of the other windows in the castle, but she would just have to take her chances with that.

The bird was huddled in on itself at the far end of the roof. Inej slowed as she grew close– she didn’t want to startle it. It was black, and slightly smaller than an owl. Its head rose when Inej got within a meter of it. One glassy black eye regarded her balefully.

Inej sighed and dropped to a crouch. It was just her luck, she supposed. Unless she was mistaken, the injured bird on the roof before her was none other than Kaz Brekker’s infamous crow.

Most students at Hogwarts had owls for their letters. Kaz Brekker had a crow named Kettering. She was unnaturally large and uncannily intelligent. The post owls always avoided her when she flew into the Great Hall on the rare mornings when Kaz received a letter. And she looked hurt.

One of her wings was held at an angle, and the feathers were ruffled and bent. Inej held out one hand, wondering if she could get the crow off the roof without being attacked.

“Hey, Kettering,” she murmured. The bird cocked its head. “Hey, girl. Don’t be afraid. I’m friends with Kaz.” This was a lie. Kaz didn’t call anyone friend, unless Specht and Rotty, his Slytherin cronies, had gained that dubious honor.

Inej stretched her hand out further. The tips of her fingers were only a few centimeters away from Kettering’s glossy black feathers.

Kettering clicked her beak in a menacing fashion. Inej froze, but she didn’t pull away. After a long moment during which girl and bird maintained steady, suspicious eye contact, Kettering ducked her head and allowed Inej to brush the unsettled feathers on her side.

“I’m surprised she didn’t bite you,” Nina said, as Inej carefully climbed back through the window with Kettering perched on one arm. Kettering’s talons made deep imprints on the smooth surface of Inej’s arm, but they did not break the skin. “What are you going to do now?” Nina asked. “You can’t very well bring her to Charms.”

“You should go along,” Inej said. “I’m going to find Kaz.”

“Are you sure?”

Inej nodded. She picked up her shoes but didn’t bother trying to put them back on.

“I’ll save you a seat,” Nina said. She left, glancing back several times before she turned a corner and was lost from sight.

Inej set off in the opposite direction. She only had a vague understanding of where the Slytherin common room was, but she figured that if she headed in that direction she would be sure to find one of Kaz’s classmates. Sure enough, only a few minutes after she had made her way into the lower levels of the castle, she ran into a fellow sixth-year wearing a bright green tie.

“Ghafa,” the boy said, drawing to a halt at the sight of her. “What are you doing with that bird?”

“Hello, Swann,” she said calmly. “Would you mind telling me where I can find Kaz?”

Swann raised his narrow eyebrows. “You mean that’s _Brekker’s_ bird you’ve got there?” His tone was shocked.

“I think so.”

“Merlin. All right. Why don’t you wait here? I can go get him.” The words were delivered with courtesy, but Inej saw right through him; he didn’t want to lead her directly to the Slytherin common room. He shifted his weight from one foot to the other.

“That’s fine,” Inej said. she ran a soothing hand down Kettering’s spine as the bird shuffled on her arm. The motion seemed to unnerve Swann for some reason. He backed away, running one hand nervously through his strawberry-blond hair. 

“I’ll be right back,” he said quickly. Then he was gone.

Left alone in the corridor, Inej sighed. Then she started inspecting the suits of armor. She’d heard before that they could move, that they came alive to defend the school. It sounded like a magical myth, but there were dozens of eyewitnesses from the final battle between Alina Starkov and the Darkling. Inej hadn’t been at Hogwarts at the time, but every student knew the story. The castle still carried some of the scars. There was a portrait of Starkov in one of the corridors off the great hall. There were portraits of the other war heroes too, like Nikolai Lantsov, Zoya Nazyalenski, Tolya and Tamar…

But Alina Starkov’s portrait was Inej’s favorite. The others had golden plaques bearing the names of their subjects. The portraits themselves were regal and imposing, for the most part. Lantsov’s portrait told jokes and stories if you cared to indulge him, but he was often flitting between his portraits at Hogwarts and at the Ministry. Zoya Nazyalenski’s portrait never spoke to anyone. Tolya and Tamar were hardly ever in their proper frames; they seemed to be constantly wandering the castle.

Alina’s portrait rarely spoke either, but Inej had heard that she would always give advice to those who were distraught. It was not rare for the frame to be empty, but unlike Tolya and Tamar, she was never seen in any other paintings around the castle. Inej had always wondered where she went. She often visited Alina’s portrait, but she had never dared to speak to it. What could she ever say? What could a lowly student ever hope to ask the wizarding world’s most famous martyr?

“Inej.”

She turned around. Kaz was there, leaning on his cane. His eyebrows were arranged so artistically that Inej wondered if he practiced in a mirror.

“Kaz,” she said.

He tipped his head forward. “What have you done to poor Kettering?” he asked softly. 

The bird in Inej’s arms stretched her head forward, yearning for her master. Inej stepped forward fearlessly and brought Kaz his familiar. He watched her approach with his eyebrows raised even higher.

“She’s injured,” Inej said, once she was close enough for Kaz to lay a gloved hand on Kettering’s feathers. “I found her like this.”

 _“Where_ did you find her?”

“On the roof.” Inej shrugged carefully. “Above the Charms classroom, if I had to guess.”

“You’ve been in trouble for climbing the roofs before.” Kaz held out his arm, very deliberately. Kettering immediately clambered onto his wrist and perched there, keeping one resentful eye on Inej.

A boy and his crow. A pair of shadows in the middle of a candlelit corridor. “The only times I’ve been caught,” Inej said, “were the times when I wasn’t being careful.”

“I’d have thought you were always careful.”

“Not at the age of twelve.” She gave him her own heavy stare. “I haven’t been caught since second year.”

What she meant was, _how do you know that, Kaz? How long have you been paying attention? How long have we been circling each other like this?_

Kaz didn’t answer. He was prodding carefully at Kettering’s injured wing with one gloved finger. “It looks like spellwork, doesn’t it?” he murmured. “The feathers are almost burned.”

Inej took a step closer and ducked her head so she could look. Kaz was right; the feathers had undoubtedly been hit with spellwork. “Who would try to hurt Kettering?” she asked.

Kettering clicked her beak as Kaz laughed. It was a cold, awful sound. “This isn’t the first time. Students are cruel, as I’m sure you know. Their favorite way to torture me is to go after my pet.” He ran his fingers down Kettering’s spine again. “Thank you for finding her.”

“You’re welcome,” Inej said. “I hope she gets better soon.”

She turned around and walked away. Kaz’s eyes burned into her with every step she took. It was as though she could feel the weight of his gaze on her, moving from her neatly-braided hair down to her still-bare feet. She didn’t look back.

She was horribly late to Charms. Professor Dryden gave her an unimpressed look but didn’t pause in his lecture, for which Inej was grateful. She slipped into the empty seat next to Nina and opened her books.

“Did you find Kaz?” Nina whispered.

Inej glanced at Dryden to make sure he wasn’t looking in her direction before she whispered, “Yes.”

She scribbled notes as best she could for the entire hour, feeling trapped beneath the twin gazes of Nina and Professor Dryden. Why couldn’t they stop _looking_ at her? She almost jumped out of her seat when the bell finally rang.

After Charms was Potions, which, as luck would have it, was shared with the Slytherins. Inej was grateful that at least she would have Nina by her side for it. As soon as the thought crossed her mind, Nina said, “I’m not going to Potions today.”

Inej stopped in the middle of the entrance hall. “What? Why?”

“You’re brewing magical stimulants,” Nina said with a small smile. “I asked. I don’t think it’s a good idea to put myself in a room with all of that.”

Inej couldn’t blame her.

“You have to tell me all about Kaz later, though,” Nina added, walking backwards up the steps so she could keep her eyes on Inej. “Promise.”

Inej just shook her head and turned to go to the dungeons.

Kaz was the first person she saw upon entering the Potions classroom. He was standing by the door, sorting through the bottles on the shelves which were built into the cold stone walls. “How’s Kettering?” Inej asked.

“She’ll survive,” Kaz said shortly. He glanced over his shoulder at her. “No Nina today?”

Inej didn’t say anything. Nina’s secrets weren’t hers to tell.

Kaz’s cauldron was set up all the way across the room. Inej settled her things at the table closest to the door and tried to ignore Kaz when he walked past her to get back to his seat. 

Musings and memories weighed heavily on Inej’s mind as she tried to brew her potion. The distraction which had preyed on her during Charms had not yet gone away. She was thinking about Nina, but her attention was also horribly fixated on Kaz. She couldn’t stop watching him work from all the way across the dungeon. He kept his fine black gloves on, even while chopping ingredients; they didn’t hinder him at all. Every movement seemed calculated and precise.

Dunyasha was on the other side of Kaz’s table. She seemed to be watching Kaz also; her eyes were very dark. Kaz, at least, was ignoring her in favor of his work.

Inej, on the other hand, had to stop herself from adding the wrong ingredients to her cauldron three separate times because she was so distracted. Her hair was coming undone from its braid and she felt flustered and flushed. At one point, Kaz appeared out of nowhere to catch her wrist before she could add three drops of leech juice. “If you add that now your cauldron will explode,” he said quietly. His face was expressionless but his eyes were amused. “I don’t think you want that.”

Inej pulled her wrist out of Kaz’s grip and set down the bottle of leech juice. It was time to give up her potion as a bad job, she thought. Before she could do anything else, however, Kaz leaned over and tipped something into her cauldron for her. The potion immediately shimmered and began to boil. Then he walked away.

“Good work, Inej,” Radmakker murmured as he walked behind her. “You’re nearly at the final stage.” Inej didn’t say anything; she did, however, chance another look across the room at Kaz. He was cleaning up the ingredients around his cauldron with a small frown on his face.

Inej took a deep breath and finished brewing her potion. It was a relief when the bell rang a few minutes later.

“Put a sample of your potion in the vial and bring it to me,” Radmakker was saying. “Also, I have your essays here, find the one with your name on it…”

To Inej’s surprise, Matthias Helvar was skulking in the corridor when Potions let out. Inej wondered if he was expected to see Nina– she felt like she should tell him that Nina wasn’t there. Before she could get to him, though, he pushed away from the wall against which he’d been leaning and starting following Kaz.

Naturally, Inej started following him.

If Kaz realized he had a twofold tail he didn’t let on. He moved carefully up the passages away from the dungeons, easily avoiding the crowds of students leaving their classrooms. People parted around him, as though they were afraid to draw too close. They stepped aside when the met Matthias too, mostly because he was a full head taller than all of them.

No one took any notice of Inej. She slipped among the bustling Gryffindors and Ravenclaws without a sound, still following the two boys. As the students thinned out and the hallways grew more quiet, she slipped off her shoes so that her footsteps would be silent.

Matthias didn’t make a move until they finally reached a hallway that was completely deserted. He quickened his pace until he could reach forward and grab Kaz by the shoulder.

Kaz froze.

Inej hid behind a suit of armor.

“Get your hand off me,” Kaz said. His voice was like breaking ice.

Matthias’s expression twisted, but he released Kaz’s shoulder and took a step back. Kaz turned around and looked at him coldly.

“What do you want?”

“I want to know where Wylan Van Eck is,” Matthias said.

Kaz rested his hands on the head of his cane. “Why the hell would you assume I’d know anything about that?”

“Because I know you saw him in the library yesterday,” Matthias said. 

“That’s enough to put me under suspicion? Wylan talked to dozens of people in the library last night. Are you assaulting each of them in deserted corridors as well?”

“Not everyone he talked to was Kaz fucking Brekker.”

“That sounds like a compliment.”

“It isn’t. Tell me where Wylan is.”

“I would if I could.”

“Don’t lie to me, Brekker.”

“I wouldn’t dare.” Kaz’s voice was low and mocking.

Matthias sighed. It sounded almost like a growl. “Will you tell me if you hear anything?”

“Probably not.”

Matthias made a noise of intense frustration. He stomped away from Kaz and past Inej’s hiding place without even glancing at her. His face was red. Inej stared after him, wondering if Kaz would return the same way and see her there. Hopefully he would continue along the corridor instead, in the other direction. Once he was gone she could slip away and tell Nina what she had heard.

Just then, Kaz spoke. “It isn’t polite to spy.”

Inej stepped silently out from behind the suit of armor.

“You don’t know how to leave well enough alone, do you?” Kaz asked quietly. His expression was almost soft. It was at odds with the rest of him, which seemed to bristle with knives. “What do you want, Inej?”

_What do you want, Inej?_

“I don’t know,” she said. “I just wondered why Matthias was following you.”

She felt like the ground beneath her feet was tipping her forward into Kaz, a little bit more every day. They were going to collide before long. She wondered if Kaz felt the same way. If he felt like a pendulum always swinging forward. “Curiosity,” he said, “could get you hurt.”

Inej didn’t bother responding to that. “Are you going to help him?”

“I don’t think there’s any cause for alarm,” Kaz said. “How well do you know Wylan?”

“Hardly at all.”

Kaz nodded, unsurprised. “He tends to hide himself away. He’s also capable of taking care of himself. Matthias is working himself into a frenzy for no reason.”

“You seem to have a lot of confidence in Wylan.”

“I refuse to underestimate him simply because he’s a Ravenclaw.”

“He’s also fifteen.”

“You’ve never seen him in a Potions class, have you?”

Inej grinned outright. “What, and you have?”

“Secrets, Inej,” Kaz said, tugging on his dark hair. “I refuse to give you all of them.”

Inej crossed her arms. “I don’t want all of your secrets.”

“Why not?”

“I’d have to give you mine in return.”

Kaz blinked, caught off guard. His eyes were unfathomable. “We wouldn’t want that,” he said slowly. It sounded like he meant the exact opposite.

Inej wished, suddenly and intensely, that she hadn’t followed Kaz to this corridor. She didn’t want to be standing there with him, sifting through the riddled layers of his words and trying not to shy away from the dark, unnatural brown of his eyes. She had dealt with him enough already. A part of her mind told her that she wanted him more, wanted to stay at his shoulder and follow him for the rest of the day, but she pushed those musings aside. Kaz wouldn’t take kindly to having a shadow. She needed to leave.

She took a step back, breaking the strange dance of careful conversation and alert posturing. “Have a good day, Kaz,” she said. 

“Have a good day, Inej,” he returned courteously. “Don’t step on any glass.”

She didn’t dignify that with a response. Instead, she turned around and left. Once again, the bright warmth of Kaz’s regard followed her all the way down the corridor. She felt that her spine was going to be set aflame, and it would be all his fault.

She was moody and silent all throughout dinner, refusing to respond to Nina’s gentle teasing and pointed questions. After dinner, the two girls retired to the common room, where they traded notes from Potions and Charms and began copying down what they had missed. It was a very slow process for Inej. More than once, she found herself staring aimlessly into the fire, thinking idle thoughts about boys with black hands. Each time she shook herself and forced herself to return to her work.

She went to bed early. Her sleep was not easy, or deep.

The next day was Saturday. It would have been a blessing, but the Gryffindor Quidditch team was going to play Ravenclaw right after lunch. Inej had never felt less enthused for a game. She lay in bed for a long time after she woke up, wishing that she didn’t have to get up and face the day. Wishing that she didn’t have to be the center of attention as soon as she left her bed.

Hunger eventually drove her from the dorm and down to the Great Hall. She didn’t sit at the table to eat, merely grabbed a few pieces of toast and took them with her. She didn’t want to be gawked at. Besides, it had looked like a lovely day from the window of her room. She might as well take a walk by the lake. She wandered idly down to the corridors that lead to the courtyard, chewing on her toast.

Inej loved the courtyard in the morning. The early sunlight made beautiful patterns on the stone paths, and the air was crisp and clear. Inej wished she could trap the whole space in eternal midmorning, so she could always look at the eggshell blue sky and the pale shadows cast by the stone pillars. The slivers of the Forbidden Forest, visible in the distance. The way the atmosphere was tinged with subtle, warm magic.

The way Kaz Brekker looked with his mouth open, spitting blood onto the flagstones.

Inej started running before she’d even taken a breath.

It was two seventh years, Eamon and a Ravenclaw named Doughty. They were standing and laughing over Kaz, who was on his hands and knees in the corner of the courtyard. Eamon had Kaz’s cane and was using it to prod Kaz in the ribs. 

There were other students outside, of course, but none of them dared to interfere. Inej cursed them all under her breath as she flew past.

“Leave him alone,” she snarled, when she was finally close enough to the trio of boys.

Kaz looked up. Eamon and Doughty turned around and started to laugh. Doughty was holding Kaz’s wand in one hand.

“Go back to the common room, little sister,” Eamon said. “This doesn’t concern you.” Kaz was trying to stand. Eamon hit him over the shoulders with the cane.

“You’re a disgrace to the Gryffindor house,” Inej snapped. “You fucking coward.”

Eamon’s expression soured and turned ugly. “Go back in the castle, Ghafa,” he said.

“Or stay and watch,” Doughty suggested. He aimed a small hex at Kaz which sent the younger boy sprawling. “This one loves an audience, I’m told.”

Inej saw red. She drew her wand.

“Inej,” Kaz said softly.

She ignored him. _“Petrificus totalus,”_ she said, aiming her wand at Doughty. He fell to the ground beside Kaz, completely frozen.

Eamon faced her again with a glare. “Wrong move,” he snarled, throwing Kaz’s cane to the ground and drawing his own wand.

 _“Silencio,”_ Inej said. Eamon’s mouth dropped open in shock, and he grasped uselessly at his throat. “You failed your non-verbal spells examination, didn’t you, Eamon?” she asked, advancing on him. He pointed his wand at her and tried to cast a spell, but nothing happened. “You weak, spineless man. You make me sick.” 

Eamon threw his wand to the ground and tried to jump at Inej. Before he could reach her, the silver head of a fine walking stick hit him right in the stomach, stopping him in his tracks.

Kaz was back on his feet.

“You should have been in Slytherin,” he said casually to Inej as he cracked Eamon over the head with his walking stick. Eamon crumpled to the ground, unconscious. “Using a man’s weakness against him like that. Very devious.” His face and chin were covered in blood. He swiped at it impatiently.

Inej pulled Kaz’s wand out of Doughty’s frozen grasp. “I think there’s something very Gryffindor about jumping into a fight where the odds are so against me,” she said, holding out the wand to Kaz. “I’ll take it as a compliment, though.”

Kaz stepped forward to take his wand. His eyes were fixed directly on Inej’s. “Thank you,” he said quietly. She could see his wounded pride, shifting uncomfortably behind his eyes.

His pale face was still covered in blood. Inej pointed her wand right at his mouth and said _“Tergeo”_ before Kaz could even blink. Within a few moments the worst of the blood was gone, though she could still see it in his teeth. For a moment, they just stared at each other. Inej was close enough to count Kaz’s eyelashes against the dark circles beneath his eyes.

“You should go to the infirmary,” she said. “Let me help you.” She tried to reach for him, but he stepped back.

“Don’t touch me.” His expression was shuttered once again. “I can make it on my own.”

He limped around her and made his way across the courtyard alone, leaving her there by the bloody cobblestones and unconscious students. If it weren’t for the lingering traces of red on his face, no one would know he had been involved. But there was blood, and there were witnesses. Everyone in the courtyard was staring. Inej could see Dunyasha whispering to her fellow Slytherin girls with a malevolent expression on her face.

Inej sighed. The story would be all over the school by lunchtime.

With a last contemptuous glance at the boys by her feet, she followed Kaz across the courtyard and into the castle.


	3. Nina

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for clarification, here's everyone's houses:
> 
> **slytherin** – kaz brekker  
>  **hufflepuff** – jesper fahey, matthias helvar  
>  **gryffindor** – nina zenik, inej ghafa  
>  **ravenclaw** – wylan van eck

“Who made mincemeat of Kaz?” Nina asked in surprise, watching the dark Slytherin limp across the entrance hall.

“Two seventh years, from what I heard,” Varian said. He was a fellow Gryffindor; he had joined Nina on her way to breakfast. “Someone said they beat him up in the courtyard.”

“How do you know that already? It looks like it just happened.”

Varian shrugged. “News travels fast.”

They watched Kaz limp across the entrance hall. His pale face had traces of blood on it, and the tender skin around his eyes was already beginning to bruise.

“I don’t understand him,” Varian said. “Seems like someone should be able to do something about that limp of his, don’t you think?”

Nina didn’t say anything.

She had asked, once. She had spent a lot of time in the infirmary the year before, and in her opinion Genya Safin, the nurse, was singlehandedly responsible for the continued success of Hogwarts as an institution.

Genya looked too young to be a nurse anywhere, but she was apparently a Healer of some repute. She had started working at Hogwarts after the war with the Darkling, which left her with horrible scarring across her face. She was terribly kind. Nina was a little bit in love with her the whole time she was fifteen.

Genya had given Nina lots of books to read during her stay, which were indirectly responsible for the conversation they’d had about Kaz Brekker. Nina hardly knew Kaz at that time; like most of the students in the school, most of what she had heard were rumors and lies.

“I don’t understand,” Nina had said one day, paging through a book. “Sometimes it doesn’t seem like magic has very many limits. Why are there things that can’t be cured?”

Genya had raised both of her eyebrows. “Is that a veiled question about my face?” she asked mildly.

Nina had not even been thinking about that. Genya’s scars were so familiar at that point that she had ceased to consider them. “No, no!” Nina said hastily. “I was more thinking– Kaz Brekker. His limp. He uses a cane. Why can’t he be healed?”

Genya had sighed. “If a Healer had gotten to him right after he was injured, it would have been fine,” she said. “But Kaz wasn’t around any witches or wizards when his injury happened, and it healed without any magical help. Muggle medicine does have limits, you know. So it left him with a limp.”

Nina wrinkled her nose. “And the limp can’t be fixed with magic?”

“It would take a lot,” Genya said. “That amount of magic can be overwhelming– it could drive him mad, or kill him. Once a wound heals on its own it’s very difficult to try and change it with magic. That’s why magical maladies are taken so seriously, and treated so quickly.”

Nina turned another page in her book. Genya was stripping the different beds of their sheets and sending them flying with a flick of her want to land in a hamper near the door. 

“Why couldn’t anyone help Kaz right away, then?” Nina asked after a few quiet moments. “He’s from a wizarding family.”

“You’d have to ask him yourself,” Genya said.

Nina, of course, had done no such thing.

She thought about the exchange as she watched Kaz navigate the stone staircase. His movements, though off-beat and irregular, were not unsteady. His face was impassive. If he was in pain, there was no indication of it.

“Let’s go eat,” Varian said, tugging Nina into the Great Hall. She followed him to the Gryffindor table and sat down, eagerly reaching for a pitcher of orange juice and a plate of bacon.

“Have you seen Inej today?” Red Felix asked, sitting down across from Nina and Varian.

“No, why?”

Red Felix grinned, pleased to be the bearer of significant news. He was the nephew, or grand-nephew, or cousin-twice-removed of the caretaker, also named Felix (no one was quite sure of the actual connection between the two; they were from the same Pureblood family, still fighting off centuries of inbreeding). Students and teachers alike differentiated between them by calling the caretaker Onkle Felix and the student Red Felix, because he was in Gryffindor. “I heard Inej got in a fight with Kaz Brekker in the courtyard this morning.”

Nina blinked in surprise. “She and Kaz were fighting?”

“She fought with Brekker, not against him,” Red Felix clarified. “She jumped in and stopped him from getting his head done in by two seventh years. Left them both out cold.” He grinned. “Raske was there, he said it was absolutely beautiful. Inej appeared out of nowhere like an avenging angel, he said.”

“Angelic Inej,” Varian said from around a mouthful of food. “Poetic.”

“Hell on a broom, hell in a duel. Hey, do you think she could beat Jesper Fahey?”

“No way,” Varian said, grinning. “You ever seen Fahey in a duel? The kid’s a fucking maniac.”

Red Felix shrugged and poured himself a generous glass of orange juice. “So’s Ghafa, though. I’m serious! She left Eamon in pieces.”

“You weren’t even there, dude.”

It wasn’t surprising to Nina that the murkier details of the story were already being embellished. By the time breakfast was over she had heard that Inej had cursed both seventh years within an inch of their lives; that Inej was walking around with blood all over her school robes; that Inej and Kaz were plotting to kill Professor Radmakker and take over the school with a combination of excellent potion-making and absolutely fearless dueling.

Inej didn’t show up in the Gryffindor common room until a little past noon. Nina was sitting by the fire, reading a book for Muggles Studies and waiting. When Inej climbed through the portrait hole, Nina looked over the edge of her book and tried to act casual as she watched her friend curl up in the chair on the other side of the fireplace. “What’s on your mind?” Nina asked. “Usually you’re much more energetic with a match coming up.”

Inej shrugged.

Nina set her book down. “I heard a fun story about Kaz Brekker, by the way,” she said, and grinned when Inej’s eyes flashed to her. “Oh, so that’s what it takes to get your attention?”

“Don’t tease me, Nina,” Inej sighed.

“You’re playing with fire, you know.”

“Is that better or worse than playing with ice?”

Nina would not be deterred from her story. “They say Brekker has a shadow,” she said. “A ghost. Mess with Kaz, and his wraith will drop down from the sky to get her revenge.”

Inej snorted. “That’s an exaggeration.”

“Why didn’t you tell me you’d been in a fight in the courtyard with Kaz?”

“I was too mad to talk about it.”

“Are you hurt?”

Inej shook her head.

“Are you in trouble?”

Inej shook her head again. “I already got hauled up to Brum’s to be interrogated,” she said wearily. “I was helping defend Kaz. No penalty for that.” 

Nina watched her for a long moment. She had never quite understood the odd, volatile bond that Inej and Kaz seemed to share. They weren’t friends. They weren’t _dating._ In fact, it seemed like they hardly ever spoke. But Kaz and Inej always seemed to appear in each other’s lives at the most vivid moments. It was as though they only existed when they could be important to each other. 

She didn’t want to twist her fingers in something so ephemeral and fragile. Mentioning the rumors seemed like foolishness, now that Inej was sitting before her, unharmed. Instead Nina asked, “Are you hungry, then? Because I certainly am.”

That made Inej smile. “I guess I should eat before the match,” she said. 

“I should too,” Nina said, with a straight face. “I need to keep my strength up.” And she dragged Inej out of the portrait hole.

There were waffles on the table still, which Nina greatly appreciated. She filled a plate for herself, passed the syrup to Inej, and started eating. Inej barely picked at her food. Nina wanted to prod her to eat, but before she could, she was interrupted by a swirl of scarlet robes as a seventh year named Anika dropped into the seat across from Inej. Anika was the captain of the Gryffindor team, and she had her game face on. “You’ll never guess what I just found out,” she said, leaning towards Inej. “The Ravenclaw Seeker isn’t flying today. He’s got detention for your courtyard fight with Brekker.”

Inej almost knocked over her orange juice. “Doughty is suspended?” she demanded.

“Sure is,” Anika said. “And thank Merlin and Morgana both that you weren’t, Inej. They’re putting Milo on as their replacement Seeker, and he can hardly tell which end of his broom is the front…”

“Milo’s good people,” Nina said, “but lord, the boy cannot play Quidditch.”

Anika snorted. “Very true. Do you remember that game last year when they put him on as Beater?”

“I don’t think I was at that one,” Nina said.

“Oh, it was a disaster,” Inej said. “I think he got hit with the Bludger more than anyone else…”

She and Anika continued rehashing the story, laughing around forkfuls of breakfast, but Nina’s attention was ruined by the appearance of Matthias Helvar in the doorway to the Great Hall. His eyes seemed to find her immediately. Nina shifted in her seat, but Matthias held her gaze for only a moment before deliberately glancing away. Nina sighed.

When she turned back to her plate, Anika and Inej were both watching her with conspiring smiles on their faces.

“Helvar played well in the last game,” Anika said casually. “Pity about his nose.”

“He sure could have used someone to fix it up for him,” Inej agreed, nudging Nina with her shoulder. “Hey Nina, aren’t you handy with a healing spell?”

“Ha ha,” Nina said dryly. “Matthias wouldn’t want me within ten meters of him. I can’t imagine what he’d do if I pointed my wand at his face.”

“It would depend on what you were intending to do, actually,” a deep voice said from behind them.

Inej and Anika jumped in their seats. Nina closed her eyes and took a deep breath before she turned around and looked up into Matthias’s face.

He looked down at her with a carefully neutral expression. “I would be a fool to refuse a healing spell,” he added.

Anika started to laugh. Matthias looked at her and raised his pale eyebrows.

“That’s rich,” Anika snorted, “coming from you. Have you completely blacked out our entire fifth year, or…?”

“I don’t know this story,” Nina said, interested.

Anika grinned. “Okay, so it was the last game of the year, and _this_ fool,” she said, pointing at Matthias, “took a Bludger to the face within five minutes of the whistle.”

Matthias tipped his head back and stared at the ceiling. Nina put her hand over her mouth, trying not to laugh.

“So he’s got blood all over his face, practically looks like a fucking Gryffindor because it’s all over his robes, and he refuses to stop flying.” Anika shook her head. “Played the entire game that way because he didn’t want to forfeit. It was gruesome.” 

“And we won,” Matthias said dryly. “Don’t forget that detail.”

“Only because Jesper Fahey was a demon that year,” Inej said, raising her eyebrows. “Best game he ever flew. It was magical.”

“That reminds me,” Matthias said, forcefully taking control of the situation. “Nina, can I talk to you for a minute?”

Nina raised her eyebrows. “Sure,” she said. She ate another bite of waffles, keeping her expectant gaze on Matthias’s face.

“Alone?” he amended. “And not here?”

Anika snickered behind her hand. Inej just pulled Nina’s plate towards herself. “Go on, Nina,” she said. “I’ll finish your waffles for you.”

“You’re a traitor and a rogue,” Nina said sweetly. “I hope you spill syrup all over your Quidditch robes.” Then she got up and followed Matthias out of the great hall, trying and failing to not wonder what on earth he wanted with her.

“This is unusual,” she dared to say, once they were in the entrance hall. Matthias glanced back at her briefly but didn’t say anything. He just started up one of the staircases.

Nina rolled her eyes and followed.

He went to the first empty classroom he could find on the second floor and held the door open. Nina sailed past him with her chin held high, refusing to be intimidated by him. Once she was in the room, she sat atop one of the desks, crossed her arms, and tipped her head to one side. Waiting.

Matthias closed the door, turned around, and stared at her.

“If you dragged me away from breakfast to make me stew in your disapproval I’m going to be very upset,” Nina said, after a few moments of this.

Matthias blinked and looked away. “I’m sorry,” he said immediately. He clasped his hands behind his back. “I hope you’ve been well.”

“I’ve been fine.”

Matthias walked around the desks, still not looking at her. Watching him, Nina had the sense that she was being guarded by a soldier. Someone stern and frightening. Someone who held all the cards.

Nina didn’t like to be frightened. She reached up and pulled the end of her red ribbon, letting her hair spill around her shoulders. She sighed deeply so Matthias would look at her and started absentmindedly braiding a few strands together.

“Are you trying to bother me?” Matthias asked.

Nina glanced over her shoulder at him. “Is it working?”

He walked around to stand before her again and met her eyes, keeping his expression carefully blank. “I want to apologize, and I want to ask for your help,” he said. Then he waited.

It was Nina’s turn to stare. An apology from Matthias was the last thing she had ever expected. An admission that he needed help was even more incredible. She looked him up and down, wondering if someone was playing a joke on her. “Is someone impersonating you with Polyjuice or something?” she asked.

Matthias frowned, offended. “Of course not.”

“Prove it.”

He frowned even harder. “My name is Matthias Helvar,” he said. “I’m Quidditch captain, Head Boy, and a traitor to my family. My Patronus is a wolf, and I know that your Patronus is a cardinal. Are you satisfied?”

Nine shrugged and kept playing with her hair. “I’m never satisfied,” she said lightly. “But I believe it’s you. What do you want?”

“Like I said, I want to apologize first,” Matthias said. “I was unfair to you, and cruel. I shouldn’t have been. I was struggling under the weight of internalized prejudice which I have since tried to erase.” He bowed his head slightly. “I hope you’ll forgive me.”

Nina was speechless for a moment. “That was beautifully rehearsed,” she finally managed to say.

Matthias kept his gaze on the ground. “I didn’t want to mess it up,” he said.

They both fell silent. Nina looked around the room and wished she had Inej there. Inej was an impeccable judge of character. Nina wasn’t sure how to gauge Matthias’s sincerity on her own. She wanted to believe that he was truly sorry, but then, she usually wanted to believe the best of everyone.

“What’s the favor?” she asked. She didn’t know what else to say.

Matthias moved carefully to sit on another desk a few feet away. “I want you to ask Inej something.”

“You pulled me out of the hall and away from Inej to ask me a question _about Inej?”_

“I’ve hardly ever spoken to her,” Matthias protested. “How could I ask her for help? It would sound better from you.”

“What do you need from her?”

“I need her to ask Kaz Brekker to help Jesper Fahey and I find Wylan Van Eck,” Matthias said, all in one breath.

Nina was struck speechless again. “Okay, run that by me again.”

“Wylan is missing,” Matthias said, “and Jesper is worried. I was hoping we could get Kaz to help us but my first attempt was… unsuccessful.”

Nina had to try very, very hard not to laugh. Luckily, she had other pressing concerns to distract her. “How long has Wylan been missing? Is he okay?”

“No one knows,” Matthias said. “No one has seen him since Thursday evening. One of his housemates told Radmakker he was missing on yesterday morning, because he never came back to the room.” Matthias rubbed the back of his neck. “Jesper’s in a bit of a state. He’s rather… _fond_ of Wylan.”

“I know,” Nina said.

“You know?”

“I’d have to be blind to not see the way Jesper looks at Wylan.”

They sat in silence again. Nina rubbed at her temples, then started to tie her hair back up with the red ribbon. “Why do you think Inej can convince Kaz to help you?”

Matthias kicked moodily at a chair. “I’d have to be blind to not see the way Kaz looks at Inej.”

That was news to Nina. She thought about seeing Kaz the day before, how he had limped across the entrance hall without a backwards glance. “You’ve seen something I haven’t, then,” she said slowly. “I’ve seen Inej looking, but I’ve never seen Kaz look back.”

“If she asks him, he’ll help,” Matthias said shortly. He obviously didn’t feel like discussing the romantic entanglements of Kaz Brekker. “Trust me. Will you ask her to ask?”

“I will once the match is over,” Nina said. “Speaking of which, if we don’t go now we’ll be late.” She hopped off the desk and smoothed her robes. “Walk with me?”

Matthias looked taken aback for a moment. “Sure,” he said finally.

They left the classroom and went down the staircase to join the students streaming through the front doors, heading down to the Quidditch pitch. Nina checked to make sure her red bow was at a jaunty enough position on the top of her head once they stepped out into the chilly spring sunshine.

Matthias didn’t have any house apparel on, but Nina supposed since Hufflepuff wasn’t playing he didn’t have to worry about it. Of course, if Hufflepuff had been playing, Matthias would already be hours-deep in his captainly duties.

“I’d never met a Veela before coming here,” Matthias said abruptly.

Nina tried to keep her tone pleasant. “I’m not even half.” She didn’t feel like talking about it. Accepting Matthias’s apology was one thing; discussing the root of his issues with her was quite another.

But Matthias wasn’t done. “I was led to believe they were all blonde and willowy or something.”

“I’m sorry to disappoint your expectations.”

“Nina…” He drew to a stop. Nina stalked forward a few paces, before she sighed heavily and turned to face him. He was watching her very intently. “You’re not a disappointment.”

“Just an abomination, right?”

“Not that, either.” Matthias ran his hands roughly back through his untidy blond hair. “I meant what I said. The opinions I had when I met you were awful, and I’m sorry for them now.” His blue eyes were heavy and troubled. 

“Are you? Or are you just saying sorry because you need my help?” For one vicious moment, Nina was glad she said it. She hadn’t even wanted to think it, but it was too easy. Inej would have asked that question by now. Inej would have seen right through Matthias as soon as he tried to apologize.

The stunned expression on Matthias’s face was enough to turn her triumphant self-righteousness into something much less secure. “Is that what you think?” he breathed. His face looked even paler than usual. “If that’s your opinion of me then why did you even agree to help?”

“For Wylan’s sake,” Nina snapped. Then she looked away. “And I don’t think that of you. It’s just very convenient, isn’t it?”

She almost expected him to shout at her. But he didn’t. He breathed very carefully for a moment, then said, “It is convenient. I don’t blame you for being suspicious of me.” Nina turned to look at him again. “I’ve been planning to apologize. Needing your help gave me a push to do it, but I have been meaning to.” He swallowed. “I understand if that’s hard to believe. But it’s the truth. And I’m _sorry,_ Nina. I’m so sorry.”

It struck Nina, then, how ridiculous it was to have this conversation in the middle of the lawn, surrounded by students who were heading to the Quidditch pitch. She wanted to cry with frustration. She also wanted to take Matthias by the hair and… well, she wasn’t sure what she wanted to do to Matthias. She had many mixed emotions on that front.

“Come watch the match with me,” she said, defeated. “Then I’ll talk to Inej. Okay?”

“Okay,” he said.

They started walking again. Before long they were climbing the steps up to the stands; Matthias followed her into the Gryffindor section without complaint.

“All I wanted to say,” he said, once they reached the top of the stairs, “was that I had never met another Veela before you. And if I _had,_ I think I would have had a more favorable opinion.”

Nina felt herself blush bright red. She didn’t dare look at him. Instead she led the way to a pair of seats and sat down. Matthias settled next to her with only a moment’s hesitation.

It was probably a good match. Nina didn’t notice much of it. She was thinking about Matthias, and Wylan. Mostly about Matthias. _He_ seemed to be watching the players closely, but then, he was a Quidditch captain. It was his job to pay attention.

Even still, Nina saw his eyes dart to her several times over the course of the match. She sighed, and tried to watch Inej.

Inej was a beautiful flyer. The grace she possessed on dry land served her well in the air, on a broomstick. She could loop around the other players without them even noticing, and she was faster than most of them, as well. It didn’t come as a surprise to Nina when Inej caught the Snitch barely twenty minutes after the match had begun.

“She’s one hell of a flyer,” Matthias said, echoing Nina’s thoughts as they moved slowly down the steps of the Gryffindor stands. Cheerful Gryffindors were all around them, yelling and singing and generally raising hell. Nina just nodded.

“I might not be able to get to her for a while,” she said, once they emerged again onto the castle grounds. “The whole team will likely be celebrating until the end of the night.”

“Just get her to ask as soon as you can,” Matthias said.

He slipped away into the crowd without saying much else. Nina stared after him. He was easy to see; he stood head and shoulders above most of the other students. She watched the back of his blond head as he moved with the rest of the school back into the castle.

Nina was on her own for most of the afternoon. She didn’t feel like braving the common room, which was full of celebrating, inebriated Gryffindors. Instead, she quietly got her Muggle studies book out of her room and went to sit in the library until dinnertime. Concentrating on the chapters was difficult, but by the time the librarian was coming around to light the lamps with her wand Nina had made a sizeable dent in the required reading.

The whole Gryffindor team was in the great hall by the time Nina got there for dinner. She saw Inej sitting about halfway down the table, making her way with gusto through a large plate of pie. Nina made her way down the table and got a seat next to Inej, after some creative use of her elbows. Inej looked up and beamed as Nina sat down.

“We won!”

“Congratulations,” Nina said quickly “Listen, can we talk before you get dragged back into celebrating?”

“Yeah, sure,” Inej said, tipping her head to one side. She looked curious and happy. Nina didn’t want to ruin her enthusiasm and pride, but she felt that she must.

Both girls managed to put away an impressive amount of dinner before they staggered out of the hall. “What did you need?” Inej asked. She undid her untidy braid and began to redo it. “Did something happen with Matthias?”

“Sort of,” Nina hedged. As they made their way back to the common room she told Inej the whole story, including Matthias’s apology as well as his plea. The common room was empty when they arrived, so they settled into the armchairs by the fire to keep talking.

“And you don’t know what happened to Wylan?” Inej asked, staring into the fireplace.

“No. Neither does Matthias or Jesper, from the sounds of it.” Nina took of her shoes and tucked her feet underneath her in her chair. “He was hoping Kaz could help– either because he already knows, or because he could find out.”

Inej thought about that, then wrinkled her nose. “But why me?”

“I asked him the same thing.” Nina didn’t want to give too much away. “Matthias seemed to think that if you asked, Kaz would agree.” She leaned back in her armchair. “You did help him in the courtyard today. And you helped his bird. That has to count for something.”

“He could have gotten out of that himself,” Inej argued right away. “He doesn’t need anyone else fighting his battles for him, not at all. I’m surprised they even caught him.”

Nina stared at the fire for a few moments. A fresh thought was blossoming in her mind, one that helped a few unanswered questions click into place with their answers. “It’s a little too convenient, isn’t it?” she asked slowly.

“What is?”

Nina shifted in her chair. “Kaz getting beat up by Doughty and Eamon. Doughty was out of the game because of that, and Ravenclaw’s chances went out the window.” Nina grinned. “Either Kaz had money riding on the outcome _or_ he did it as a favor.”

“Kaz doesn’t owe people favors,” Inej muttered.

“Maybe not.” Nina shrugged. “I wouldn’t be surprised if that was his intention, though. He can’t even get beat up without setting three different plans in motion.”

Inej didn’t have an argument for that. The portrait hole opened a few moments later, permitting the still-rowdy Gryffindor team into the common room. “Inej!” some of them cried. “The hero of the hour!”

“A damn good Seeker and a damn good fighter to boot!” Red Felix roared. Everyone cheered.

Nina laughed as Inej was pulled out of her chair by her teammates and back into the celebration. Butterbeer and Honeydukes sweets were present in abundance, which suited Nina just fine. She stayed in the armchair by the fire and enjoyed the swirl of festivities happening around her. Her thoughts dipped and swirled around Inej, Kaz, Jesper, Matthias, and Wylan. Poor Wylan. She felt that she couldn’t truly enjoy Gryffindor’s victory with so many problems resting upon her shoulders.

As usual, Nina was absolutely right about Kaz’s motives. By the time she went to bed she had heard from at least three different people that Kaz and several other Slytherins had earned a tidy sum of Galleons on the outcome of the Quidditch match. It was amusing news, but Nina was growing more and more distracted with thoughts of Wylan, missing. She sat on her bed for a long time, thinking, before finally lying down.

Nina didn’t know Wylan very well, but she knew he was a sweetheart. She hoped nothing bad had happened to him. She hoped Kaz could find him. She felt a little guilty now, at how little she had thought of Wylan throughout the day. It was so hard to remember her priorities when Matthias was there, large and blond and distracting at the edge of her mind.

She turned over in bed and pressed her face into the pillow. She was never going to get to sleep if her thoughts kept running in circles.


	4. Jesper

“When was the last time you saw Wylan?”

Jesper only narrowly avoided dropping his book and yelling out in shock. Kaz Brekker was standing behind him, looking for all the world like he had been there for hours. Jesper didn’t know how the other boy had managed to sneak up on him. At the very least, Jesper should have heard Kaz’s cane against the stone library floor.

“What happened to your face?” he blurted out first, closing the book in his hands.

Kaz raised an eyebrow. He had a garish purple bruise surrounding one eye, and the pale line of his lip was split in the middle. “Just an altercation,” he said. “It doesn’t matter.”

“Okay,” Jesper said, at a loss.

Jesper didn’t know how to talk easily to Kaz. He was in his sixth year, he should be over it– but Kaz made him feel like a bumbling eleven-year-old. It was easy to be fascinated by the dark-haired Slytherin. Jesper had never truly gotten rid of the habit he had of noticing Kaz, wherever he was in a room. How he drew shadows to himself like a weaver pulling strands to make a cloak.

“Matthias asked for my help,” Kaz was saying. “He thought I might know where Wylan is.”

“Do you?”

“No.”

Jesper slumped back against the bookshelf. He wasn’t surprised, really. Matthias seemed to think that Kaz had a nefarious hand in Wylan’s disappearance, but Jesper hadn’t thought so. Preying on someone like Wylan wasn’t Kaz’s style. 

“When did you last see him?”

“Same as anyone else,” Jesper muttered. “Thursday night. He was here studying in the library with some other Ravenclaws.”

“So you just saw him here.”

Jesper took a deep breath and looked Kaz straight in the eye. “No,” he said. “I saw him here, and after. We left together and I walked him down to the entrance hall. That was the last place I saw him.”

Kaz had the audacity to smile. “I won’t ask,” he said, when Jesper opened his mouth again. “Do you know where he was planning on going?”

“He said he was tired,” Jesper said. Wylan had certainly looked tired, at the time. He’d kept yawning behind one hand and blinking, slow and lazy, like he couldn’t keep his eyes open. Jesper had felt like some crucial part of his heart was going to burst. “He just wanted to go to bed.”

“But none of the other Ravenclaws saw him get back that night. So something happened between the entrance hall and the Ravenclaw common room.”

Jesper nodded. He felt like it was useless to blame himself, but he couldn’t help it. _If only,_ one part of his mind was determined to say. _If only you had walked him back to his common room._

It took him a moment to realize that Kaz was walking away from him, leaning carefully on his walking stick. “Where are you going?” Jesper hissed. He didn’t dare yell in the library, but it was a very near thing.

Kaz glanced back. “I’m going to retrace the route Wylan took that night. Aren’t you coming?”

Cursing, Jesper shoved his book back on the shelf and took off after Kaz.

They walked quickly down through the castle. More than once Kaz took a door or a staircase which Jesper had never used. It made the whole route ridiculously faster. Jesper knew that Kaz had an unprecedented awareness of the castle’s various hidden passages, but it was still quite impressive to see it in action.

It made sense. It made sense twice. Kaz probably didn’t want to drag himself along longer routes that would be more trying on his leg. Also, taking routes that were off the beaten path made it harder for other antagonizing students to catch him. Jesper glanced at Kaz’s black eye again and winced.

“Do you know which way he went from here?” Kaz asked, once they reached the entrance hall. Wordlessly, Jesper pointed to one of the stone staircases. Kaz sighed and started going carefully up the steps. Jesper stayed right on his heels.

He remembered watching Wylan climbing the steps on Thursday night. He looked tired enough the curl up and fall asleep right there on the stairs. He hadn’t been wearing his robes, just a light blue Ravenclaw sweater. The sleeves had been pushed to his elbows. Jesper had been driven to distraction all evening by the sight of those thin wrists and graceful fingers.

Now that he’d started thinking about Wylan, Jesper couldn’t stop. It was like Wylan was made of bright, unforgettable details. The way his soft curls fell forward whenever he ducked his head. The way he blinked too quickly when he was surprised, and blushed when he was embarrassed. The way he bit his lip when he was thinking, which was enough to drive Jesper to sin.

But he remembered, too, how pale Wylan’s face was when he was frightened. How cold his hands always were. The time Jesper had found him sitting on a windowsill in the dark, barefoot, crying over a Howler from his father. How delicate his ankles had looked in the watery moonlight that shone through the window.

“I don’t need you to take care of me,” Wylan had said, dashing his tears away with the back of his hand. But Jesper had _wanted_ to.

And now Wylan was missing, and Jesper was trying to keep pace with Kaz Brekker’s off-beat walk as they retraced Wylan’s steps. 

The Sunday morning sun was strong through the windows of the Hogwarts corridors. It was warm on Jesper’s shoulders, and bright on Kaz’s slicked-back hair. Kaz’s hair was dark enough that most people mistook it for black, but in the sunlight Jesper could see that its true color was a deep mahogany.

He would have been obsessed with that color, if he was younger. Now, all Jesper could think was that Wylan’s hair would have looked like pure spun gold if he were there.

“How do you know where the entrance to the Ravenclaw tower is?” Jesper asked, after they had walked for a while.

“I know where the entrance to every House is,” Kaz said tonelessly. “And I’ve been in every single common room more than once.”

Jesper was startled into a laugh. “What, seriously?”

Kaz didn’t answer. He just kept walking. It was several moments before he spoke again. “Do you remember what Wylan was working on in the library?”

Jesper shoved his hands in his pockets. “Something for Potions, I think,” he said, furrowing his brow. “Baneberry? Bloodroot? He was tearing his hair out looking for a certain book…” 

Kaz nodded. His expression was very distant. He didn’t say anything.

“What are you expecting to find?” Jesper asked, after they had walked down another corridor.

“Absolutely nothing,” Kaz said. He stopped at the corner of two hallways. “Why don’t you go back to the library, Jesper? I don’t need you anymore.”

“Did you need me at all?” Jesper groused.

Kaz just looked at him.

“Fine, fine, okay,” Jesper muttered. He backed away with his shoulders hunched. “Good luck with whatever it is you’re doing, Kaz.”

He hated leaving the enigmatic Slytherin there, somewhere near the elusive Ravenclaw Tower. Jesper liked to feel useful. He liked action. He _didn’t_ like being told to go back to the library, as though he were some unruly student who couldn’t be trusted underfoot. 

He wanted to run to Wylan. He wanted to find whoever had taken him and hex them into a quivering jelly. He wanted to take Hogwarts castle apart, brick by brick, until he found where Wylan was hiding. Waiting was agony. Ignorance was a pain. Idleness was a true enemy; for the first time in his life, Jesper wished it wasn’t the weekend, just so he could have the excuse of classes to take his mind off the wretched uncertainty.

He went for a walk by the lake. He threw rocks in the water, until the squid came out and started throwing them back. He walked over to the Quidditch pitch and flew around on his broom for a while. None of it helped.

It was a long time before he went back inside the castle. He ambled along slowly, looking at the portraits on the walls as he went. Most of them waved and winked back.

He was almost back to the common room when a tangle of familiar voices made him look around.

It was a knot of younger Hufflepuff students, walking down the hallway a little bit ahead of him. Two of them, he was pretty sure, were named Filip and Beatle. They were both fifth years. Jesper recognized Filip the most because he had tried out for the Quidditch team that year, but he hadn’t been good enough to make the cut. He seemed to be dominating the conversation.

“…like Hogwarts isn’t safe enough, or something. Merlin knows it’s been a mess since _Saint_ Alina was here, though.”

“I think it’s plenty safe,” said the third student, whose name Jesper didn’t know.

Filip snorted. “Seriously? With people like Kaz Brekker around? And all those seventh years who think they can do whatever they want… Gerrigan and Eamon and all of them…”

“Ah, they’re harmless,” Beatle said.

Filip shook his head. “Maybe so, but Brekker’s bad news. You know what they say about him. Mad bastard. I’m surprised they let him go to school here. He’s going to turn out just like the Darkling– he’s even in Slytherin, like the Darkling was.”

“Alina Starkov was a Slytherin as well,” Jesper said easily. He twirled his wand lazily around his fingers as the younger students whirled to face him. “But surely you weren’t generalizing an entire house just because of the Darkling, right?”

The students stared at him mutinously. Filip’s face was red and furious.

“There’s something wrong with that Brekker,” he said, despite the best efforts of his friends to keep him quiet. “He’s not safe.”

“Have you ever spoken to him?” Jesper asked shrewdly. He was still smiling, but his voice was full of iron. “Or are you going off common room gossip? You’re more in danger of taking a Bludger to the head than you are of Kaz Brekker.” He raised one eyebrow. “And you’re not even on the Quidditch team.”

Filip’s face grew even more red, if such a thing was possible. 

“Here’s some advice,” Jesper said, dropping his smile. He raised his wand and pointed it directly at Filip’s face. “Don’t make people your heroes. Don’t make students your villains. Everyone in this school has a path to choose, and Kaz’s is hard enough without the weight of your ignorant, prejudiced opinion in his way. Stop being a fucking cliché.”

Filip’s face wasn’t red anymore. It was completely bloodless. His friends grabbed him by the arms and started pulling him away, glancing back over their shoulders at Jesper as they went.

“You’re a proper fool, Filip,” Beatle said angrily. “Why can’t you ever keep your mouth shut?”

Jesper sighed and turned to go the other way. When he rounded the nearest corner, he was surprised to see Kaz standing there, wearing a deep frown. “Hello,” Jesper said, caught off guard. “Were you–?”

“No,” Kaz said immediately. “I came to get you. Matthias is insisting upon some sort of planning meeting in the library.”

“Strategy,” Jesper said. He still felt horribly discomfited, but Kaz’s expression left no room for questions. “He’s a Quidditch captain, he has to make plans and diagrams for everything.”

“Merlin save us,” Kaz said. “This is why I don’t talk to Quidditch players.”

Jesper’s mouth quirked up into a smile.

He followed Kaz through another dizzying array of hidden staircases and concealed passages until they reached the library. Jesper almost wished he could have made a map of the route; trying to puzzle it out on his own would be a nightmare. He wondered how long it had taken Kaz to discover the very best ways to navigate. He stared at the back of Kaz’s head as the Slytherin lead the way into the library and began weaving his unsteady way through the bookshelves.

To Jesper’s surprise, Nina Zenik and Inej Ghafa were sitting with Matthias at a small table near the windows overlooking the lake. “What are you doing here?” Jesper asked, once he was close enough for them to hear.

Nina looked up and gave him a small smile. “Didn’t want to just sit on my hands all day,” she said. “If something’s up with Wylan, we want to help.”

Matthias was sitting in his chair with his arms crossed. He was alternating between looking intently at Nina and pretending she didn’t exist.

“The more the merrier,” Kaz said dryly, dropping into a chair next to Inej. Some of the tension in his face seemed to relax once he was off his feet. “What do you want, Matthias?”

“To find Wylan,” Matthias said, stone-faced.

“What, truly? I had no idea.”

“Don’t be a bitch, Kaz,” Nina said. Jesper clapped a hand over his mouth, trying not to laugh. Inej did laugh, which made Kaz glare at her. Nina just grinned, unrepentant.

“I don’t have time for your sarcasm, Brekker,” Matthias muttered.

Kaz leaned lazily back in his chair. “And I don’t have time for your strategy. Why did you all gather us here? Just to say that you have nothing new?”

“So we could _talk about it,”_ Matthias ground out. “If you have any brilliant ideas about where to find Wylan, feel free to share.”

“I don’t need brilliant ideas,” Kaz said, “I know where he is.”

The group was stunned into silence. Jesper felt like a balloon was expanding in his chest.

“What are we doing here, then?” he spluttered. “We can go get him right now! Where is he?”

Kaz shook his head. “We can’t.”

“Why not?” Matthias growled.

“Last time I checked it was still against the rules to go into the Forbidden Forest,” Kaz said. “If you feel like getting detention, be my guest.”

Nina put one hand over her mouth. “He’s in the _Forest?”_

“How do you know that?” Matthias demanded.

Kaz ignored him. He turned to Nina and Inej and said, “It seems that your housemates and mine have been conspiring.”

“Spit it out, Kaz,” Nina said. “What happened?”

“Gerrigan and Shay,” Kaz said slowly. His expression twisted, as though the names were sour on his tongue. “Those bastards decided to have a little fun with our Wylan.”

Jesper felt like he was going to be sick.

“As far as I can tell,” Kaz said, “they tied him up and abandoned him in the Forbidden Forest. In the middle of the night. Alone.”

“What the _fuck,”_ Inej snapped. Matthias jumped up from his chair, as though he was going to run out of the library and hunt down the boys who had dared to put Wylan in such danger.

Jesper put his head on the table. _Wylan._ He had been in the forest since _Thursday night._

“Where are they?” Matthias demanded. “Where are the _bastards_ who did this?”

“I imagine they’ll both be expelled,” Kaz said tonelessly. “If they recover.”

Inej narrowed her eyes. “Recover from what?”

“No one knows.” Kaz shrugged with carefully constructed elegance. “They’re both in the hospital wing. Seems they ran afoul of some nasty curses.” He rubbed at the head of his cane with one gloved finger. “Tragic.”

The group was silent for a long moment. All of them stared at Kaz. Kaz stared out the window, remorseless.

Jesper sighed. He forgot, sometimes, that the man lending the most fear to the rumors was Kaz himself. He was twice as fearsome in person as he was in story. Jesper needed to keep that in mind.

“No more than they deserve,” Matthias finally grumbled, settling back into his chair. “I have no respect for men who only go after the easiest target.”

“Wylan isn’t an easy target,” Jesper said. “He’s not weak. If he’s trapped somewhere, I would bet my life that he’s fighting like hell to get out.”

“Don’t mischaracterize him,” Kaz added. Jesper turned to look at him, surprised at the support, but Kaz was still looking absently out the window.

The group endured another moment of silence. Inej was the one to break it. “What do we do now?”

“We need to go get him,” Nina said. She was looking out the window like Kaz, craning her neck to see the edge of the Forbidden Forest. “We need to go find him right away.”

“Good luck,” Kaz said. He pointed his cane out the window, aiming at the edge of the Forest. “Hoede has Care of Magical Creatures with the third-years until dinnertime. And _after_ dinner, he’ll be gardening.”

“We could sneak past him,” Jesper argued. “It’s Hoede, he’s not going to pay attention to anything other than a pumpkin or a niffler.”

“It isn’t even the season for pumpkins,” Kaz said, rolling his eyes. “And there’s no way all six of us can get past him without being seen. We’ll have to go at a time when he’s not there.”

“What, wait until tomorrow?” Nina asked.

Inej was the one who answered her. “No,” she said. Her eyes were wide, as though she was surprised at Kaz’s daring. “We’d have to go tonight, once it gets too dark for Hoede to stay out.”

Jesper covered his eyes with one hand. “Into the Forest at midnight,” he muttered, giving a short laugh. “Sure, sounds great. What could go wrong?”

“Thank you for the vote of confidence,” Kaz said dryly. “You’ve never been in the Forest at night?”

“You _have?”_ Matthias shot back.

Kaz gave him a smile that was mostly a threat. “Haven’t you heard the rumors? That’s where I sleep. Or where I was spawned. Or where I made a pact with the powers that be to trade my soul for eternal life.”

“I haven’t heard that last one,” Nina said. “But I did hear that you killed a unicorn there once.”

“Same thing, really,” Kaz said.

Inej rubbed her temples, seeming exasperated. Jesper took a deep breath. “I agree with Kaz,” he said. “We have to go tonight.”

“You were just saying you thought it was a bad idea!” Matthias accused.

“Yeah, but it’s the best idea we have,” Jesper shot back.

“I don’t see what else we could do, Matthias,” Nina said slowly. “We can’t exactly go to the professors. If we tell them Wylan is in the Forest, they’ll want to know how we know.” She glanced at Kaz. “Answering that could be… incriminating.” Kaz tipped his head in her direction.

Matthias didn’t seem to be able to fight back against Nina. He ran his hands through his long blond hair, which was uncharacteristically unbound. “Fine,” he growled. “I’ll play along. How exactly are you planning to sneak out?”

“Have you ever left the dormitory at night in your life?” Inej asked. She sounded surprised. “It’s easy, no one guards the door. You just have to keep an eye out for Onkle Felix.”

“Well said, Inej,” Kaz said. “Don’t fret, Matthias, I’m sure Jesper will be able to keep you out of trouble.” Matthias scowled, but Kaz didn’t even look at him. Jesper grinned. “Shall we meet in the entrance hall at midnight?”

“Sure,” Jesper said.

“Fine by me,” Nina said.

Inej just nodded.

Matthias put his head in his hands. 

“Excellent,” Kaz said. “I’ll be off, then. Don’t do anything too awfully illegal before midnight.” And he left, leaning heavily on his cane.

“I hate him,” Matthias said tonelessly.

“Sh,” Nina said, swatting him on the shoulder. “He could hear you!”

“Good.”

“It’s almost dinnertime,” Inej broke in. “We should eat, if we’re going to be out all night.”

“I don’t need convincing,” Nina said. She stood up and gave Jesper a wink. “See you boys later.”

“Bye,” Jesper said absently. The girls left.

Matthias put his head on the table– presumably so he wouldn’t be tempted to watch Nina walk away. “I can’t believe we’re going out there tonight,” he said. “I have NEWTs to study for.”

“If we don’t find Wylan he’s going to fail his OWLs. And possibly die. If I were you I’d take a moment to wonder where my priorities are,” Jesper said.

Matthias picked up his head and gave Jesper a concerned look. “You know we’re going to find him, right?”

Jesper didn’t say anything. He twirled his wand around his fingers repeatedly without looking at it. He didn’t want to answer that question.

“Let’s go get dinner,” Matthias said. “I don’t like that look on your face.”

Jesper went with him. Only because he didn’t know what else to do. He was lost in the woods in the dark– but, like, mentally. He couldn’t imagine how wretched it must be for Wylan. Who didn’t have food, or drink. Who was presumably tied to a tree, where any number of awful creatures could get at him.

“I don’t think I’ll be able to eat,” Jesper said with a sigh, once they reached the Great Hall.

“You’re going to,” Matthias said firmly. He put his hands on Jesper’s shoulders and pushed him down into a seat at the Hufflepuff table. “Eat.”

Jesper ate. It did wonders to restore his temper, as Matthias had probably expected. By the time he and Matthias left the Great Hall again he was almost excited at the prospect of sneaking out. His concern for Wylan still gnawed at the corner of his mind, but Jesper was nothing if not optimistic. They had Kaz on their side. They had Matthias and Nina and Inej. There was no way they would fail– they were the cleverest people Jesper knew.

He felt like he was going to jump out of his skin for the entire evening. Matthias gave him up as a bad cause almost right away and settled himself in the Hufflepuff common room with a book he needed to study for his NEWTs. Jesper, at a loss for what to do, challenged another seventh-year named Seeger to a game of Exploding Snap, which eventually turned into an entire tournament that lasted well into the evening. It was a marvelous distraction. More than one Hufflepuff walked away without their eyebrows. Jesper still had his by the end of all the games, and he took advantage by arranging them in the smuggest manner he could.

“You need to learn how to lose,” Seeger said, gathering up the cards. “I’ve never met such a competitive Hufflepuff in all my life. One would think you were hiding green or scarlet under that sweater of yours.”

Jesper just grinned at him. Then he went to sit in the armchair across from Matthias and waited as their housemates slowly shuffled off to bed.

Getting out of the common room was easy. Getting to the entrance hall, however, was more of an ordeal. Jesper almost walked directly into the Bloody Baron on the way there; Matthias was quick enough to drag Jesper behind a suit of armor before they were spotted. Then they had to stay hidden for what felt like an eternity while the ghost drifted aimlessly around the corridor. Jesper didn’t doubt that the ghosts were on the professor’s side, at least when it came to students sneaking out. Getting caught by the Baron would be terrible. He tried to keep his breathing as quiet as he could. It didn’t help that he was crushed uncomfortably between Matthias and the wall.

Once the Baron moved on they kept walking, but they picked a bad staircase that shifted direction while they were still on it, depositing them in a corridor far out of their way. By the time they finally reached the entrance hall it was almost one a.m.

Kaz looked ready to kill them both. He emerged from the shadows like a demon as soon as Jesper and Matthias reached the door, snarling, “What the hell took you so long? We were about to go without you!”

“We got caught up,” Matthias said stiffly. “Are the others here?”

Inej appeared wordlessly at Jesper’s side, making him jump. Nina was right behind her, wearing a bright red dressing gown. “We were taking bets on if you’d show,” she said. “You should have waited another ten minutes, I would have won five Galleons.”

“Let’s go,” Kaz interrupted, pushing open the door. Cold air and moonlight flooded around them. Jesper pulled the sleeves of his sweater down and followed the others out of the castle.

Jesper felt like he was sleepwalking the entire time. Hardly a word was spoken as they made their way down the grounds, led by Kaz. The moon was high and bright, lending a sheen of silver to their every move. Jesper held his breath as they snuck around Hoede’s cabin and gathered just inside the tree line.

“How will we know where to go?” he asked, keeping his voice low.

“Gerrigan and Shay aren’t smart,” Inej said. “They wouldn’t have strayed too far from any sort of path. They probably walked straight in and dumped Wylan somewhere close, to scare him.”

“I think you’re underestimating their cruelty,” Kaz said. “They’re heartless. They clearly didn’t care if he died. I think they would have made it harder to find him.”

“That’s assuming he hasn’t moved,” Jesper said. “If they tied him up and he got free he could have wandered anywhere, looking for a way back to the castle.” He clenched his hands into fists.

“I still say we should stick to some sort of path,” Inej said. “It’s hard to drag a person through the trees– they wouldn’t have wanted to be stumbling over roots the whole way.”

“We don’t want to get ourselves lost as well,” Matthias added.

“We won’t get lost, even if we abandon the paths,” Kaz said shortly. “Don’t let that influence you.” He set his cane against his shoulder and looked pensively into the trees. “I say we stick to a path at first,” he said, after a few moments of quiet deliberation. “It is likely that Gerrigan and Shay would have stuck to one. Wands out, all of you– there may be signs that can lead us to Wylan. Spread out, but don’t go far.” He pulled out his wand and began to limp into the trees.

The others lit their wands and followed him. Jesper took one glance backwards to catch a glimpse of the moon before it was obscured by the forest’s thick canopy.

They walked, wands held aloft. It wasn’t long before the lights of Hoede’s cabin had disappeared behind them. Jesper kept one eye out for Wylan and another on the lights of everyone else’s wands. He didn’t want to get separated in the black trees. Getting lost would only distract from finding Wylan.

“Should we call out for him?” Nina asked after a while.

Kaz shook his head. “There’s stuff in here I’d rather not face,” he said. “There’s no need to broadcast the fact that we’re here.”

Jesper looked at the tip of his wand. The light was basically a beacon in the dark woods. But he saw Kaz’s point. Besides, it wasn’t like they could stumble through without any illumination. Someone would fall and hurt themselves.

They moved deeper and deeper into the Forest. Even on the path it was slow going because of the rocks and roots. Every minute or so someone would trip and stagger a few feet, trying to catch their balance. The only ones who didn’t stumble were Kaz and Inej. The former could navigate unbelievably well with his cane; the latter was just careful with her steps. Jesper wished he had half of Inej’s grace. He was going to break an ankle before the night was over.

They kept on pushing through the dark. No one spoke for a long time, other than a few muttered curses when they tripped over the tree roots. Jesper kept his wand up, even though his arm ached. And still they walked. 

They didn’t meet any animals, apart from the small beasts who rustled in the undergrowth beyond the wand light. Jesper didn’t feel like investigating the constant small noises around them. If the creatures didn’t bother him, he wasn’t going to bother them.

It felt like they had been walking for hours when Kaz stopped at a fork in the path. The others stopped too, gathering around him wordlessly like knights assembling around a dark king. Kaz’s face was gaunt and threatening in the wand light. His eyebrows were drawn down and he was scowling. “This isn’t working,” he said.

“We have no idea where he is,” Nina said. “The forest is huge, and there aren’t many of us. The odds that we’re going to find him are miniscule.”

Kaz and Inej spoke at the same time: “We should split up.” Then they looked at each other, surprised.

Matthias crossed his arms. His blond hair was full of shadows. “It’s too dangerous to wander around in here alone.”

“We’re not sending anyone of by themselves, for Merlin’s sake!” Nina said. “We’ll go in pairs.” She glanced around. “Or, well, one pair and one group of three. Since there are five of us.”

“You can count?” Jesper asked, pitching his voice to sound genuinely interested. Nina swatted at him.

“I’ll go with Kaz this way,” Inej interrupted, gesturing to the path on the right. “You three go that way. Agreed?”

Jesper wanted to complain. and it looked like Matthias did too, but none of them said anything. “Sounds good,” Nina said, shrugging. “How will we meet back up?”

“We’ll meet back here,” Kaz said. “Walk for an hour and then come back. If you need help, or if you find Wylan, send a Patronus.” The others nodded. Then they split apart onto the two paths.

Jesper kept his eyes to the side, watching Kaz and Inej move away from them at a gentle angle. The trees weren’t as thick here, but even so, it was only a few minutes before the light from their wands was impossible to see. He turned his head back to face the front and kept scanning the ground for signs of Wylan. Just ahead of him, Nina and Matthias did the same.

They followed the path as it wound around the trees and into ravines and over hills. Jesper wanted to curl up against the nearest tree and sleep; he felt almost sick from exhaustion. Nina and Matthias didn’t look much better off.

It took Jesper ten minutes to realize Nina and Matthias were holding hands. The sight was so shocking that it almost spent him sprawling on the forest floor. It took another five minutes for him to tamp down the wild urge to laugh and punch the air.

He had known for years that Matthias had a thing for Nina. A thing that he would never confess to. A thing that had first emerged as distrust and dislike. Jesper still remembered his third year, when Matthias had gotten into a shouting match with Nina in the Great Hall. The rumor mill had been delighted, at the time. No one could ever forget the way Matthias Helvar, tall and blond and intimidating even at fourteen, had looked when Nina threw a waffle directly at his face.

As far as Jesper knew, Matthias and Nina had only been coldly cordial since then. Matthias certainly didn’t talk about Nina very much– though he never talked about anything other than Quidditch, at least to Jesper. But it was obvious that he had held an odd fondness for Nina despite it all. Watching them move through the Forest, hand in hand, was enough to make Jesper believe in love again.

Not that he had ever stopped believing in love. Wylan was love personified, basically. The thought was simultaneously so true and so sappy that Jesper had to bite one of his knuckles to keep from making a sound.

He was still thinking about Wylan several minutes later when Nina drew to a stop on the path. “It’s been an hour,” she said tentatively. “We should head back.”

Jesper frowned. He took a few steps further down the path, holding his wand over his head. Just in case. Then he shook his head and walked back to the other two. Nina’s face was so sad it almost broke his heart.

Matthias reached out to clap Jesper on the shoulder. “Maybe Kaz and Inej had more luck,” he said gruffly.

They hadn’t.

Kaz and Inej were already waiting at the fork in the road when Nina, Matthias, and Jesper found them. They didn’t have Wylan with them.

Jesper wanted to throw his wand. He extinguished it and slipped it up his sleeve instead.

“Let’s head back a bit,” Kaz said. “I thought I saw another path that headed more to the north.”

So they walked. None of them spoke. Nina and Matthias weren’t holding hands anymore; they were a few feet apart, moving their wands back and forth to spread light across the ground.

Shortly after they started down the new path, Jesper stumbled over a root and dropped his wand. The light went out immediately. Cursing, Jesper picked it up, then realized that he hardly needed it. The gloom had lessened slightly.

For one wild moment, he thought they had gotten turned around and were nearing the edge of the forest. Then he realized the truth.

“The sun is rising,” he said.

The others stopped and turned around. They couldn’t see much through the dense canopy of trees, but it was obvious that Jesper was right.

Matthias voiced what none of them wanted to say. “We have to go back.”

“And just leave Wylan out here?” Nina asked helplessly. Her round face was pale with weariness and concern.

“If we miss our classes today it will go badly for us,” Kaz said. “We can’t risk getting detentions. We have to go back.”

“But we’re going to keep looking, right?” Jesper asked. He was so tired he could hardly think straight. 

“Of course,” Kaz said. He sounded almost disgusted. “Have you ever known a Slytherin to leave a job undone?”

“You’re talking to a pair of Hufflepuffs,” Matthias pointed out. “’Hardworking’ is in the job description.”

“This is _not_ a good time to be getting into house rivalries,” Nina said loudly. “Besides, Gryffindors are the ones who get shit done. Kaz, get us out of here.”

Kaz nodded. He extinguished his wand and cast a different spell, one Jesper had never heard before. A golden thread extended from the tip of his wand back the way they came. Jesper reached up and ran his finger through it. It hard no substance, but it made his skin feel warm. 

Kaz scowled. “Don’t break it,” he said. “Let’s go.”

The trek back to the castle was awful. Jesper felt like they were letting Wylan down with every step. If progress had been made during the night, they were destroying it now in the gray dawn. He kept his eyes open as the whole crew followed Kaz’s golden thread. Maybe they would notice something on the way back, like a footprint, or a scrap of Wylan’s blue sweater.

They didn’t see anything. By the time they emerged from the edge of the Forbidden Forest the sun was displaying its full orange glory from behind the castle.

Kaz waved his wand and the golden thread disappeared. He took a long look back into the trees. The others hesitated as well; none of them truly wanted to give up. Finally, Kaz turned and began limping back up towards the castle. After a beat, Jesper followed. Nina, Inej, and Matthias were right behind him.

It was too early for anyone to be up for classes or breakfast. Kaz didn’t seem concerned about being caught by anyone as he pushed open the door of the castle, so Jesper didn’t let himself worry. Kaz wouldn’t lead them astray.

“If you can get your hands on an Invigoration Draught or a Vitamix Potion, do it,” Kaz said, once they were all in the entrance hall. “We’ll be meeting at midnight again tonight. Don’t be late this time.” Having said his piece, he began to limp away.

Jesper sighed and looked at his remaining companions. Nina was so tired that she was leaning against Matthias with her eyes closed. Inej still looked alert, but Jesper didn’t know if he had ever seen Inej look less than perfectly awake.

“Sleep,” Nina said. “I demand sleep.” But she didn’t move away from Matthias’s side.

“I’ll walk you back up to your tower,” Matthias offered. Nina sighed deeply and nodded. She held out one hand to Inej, who took it and let herself be pulled along towards the staircase as Nina and Matthias started walking.

Matthias glanced back at Jesper. “Go get some sleep,” he said. “I’ll be coming down right after I get these two back.”

“Sure,” Jesper said. He managed a wink.

Matthias just wrinkled his nose and turned back around. He ascended the staircase with Nina and Inej, looking for all the world like a bookend personified; he seemed to be the only thing keeping Nina upright. Jesper shook his head and took a different staircase down.

The portraits tittered at him as he walked past, but for once Jesper was too worn out to engage in their teasing. He felt perfectly wretched, which was among his five least favorite feelings of all time (the others mostly had to do with being hungry). He hated to think about Wylan, still alone in the Forest. As far as Jesper was concerned, Wylan deserved to live in eternal sunlight.

Jesper had one more memory of Wylan. One he’d never shared. It was like a small swirl of sparks in the corner of his mind, tempting him to look every time he caught it in the corner of his eye.

It was very warm memory. Very recent. From Christmastime. 

He and Wylan had both gone home for Christmas; Jesper because he wanted to see his father, and Wylan because his father demanded it. They had shared a train compartment back to London, just the two of them. The train was much less crowded during the holidays.

They had played Exploding Snap and talked of trivial, unimportant things. Jesper had read out a passage from a funny book one of his friends had given him. The closer they drew to London, the more reserved Wylan had gotten. He was obviously frightened to see his father again, and Jesper had been desperate to distract him.

The train had pulled into the station. Jesper had stood up and pulled their luggage from the racks.

He hadn't known how to say good-bye.

He didn’t get to. When he turned to Wylan, still at a loss, Wylan had put one hand on his jaw and pulled him down for a kiss.

It was very sweet. Very warm. Jesper had gotten one hand in those golden curls, which were even softer than they looked. “Wylan,” he’d whispered.

“Merry Christmas, Jesper,” Wylan had whispered back. Then he’d grabbed his luggage and was gone.

They had never talked about it. The next time Jesper saw him, in January, Wylan had flushed an endearing shade of red and given him a small smile. But they had never talked about it. Jesper never told him how much he wanted to do it again. He hoped he’d get a chance to.

Jesper set his jaw and turned around. He had to tell someone where Wylan was. He couldn’t just go back to his common room and wait.


	5. Kaz

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is my favorite chapter

A beam of sunlight woke Kaz up by shining directly in his eyes. He narrowed his eyes against it and resisted the urge to swear.

He had been dreaming. In the dream, he and Jordie had been standing on the stone roof of Hogwarts, watching Kettering fly with the post owls. When Kaz turned to look at his brother, Jordie had changed into Inej, who was balancing on the very point of the roof. “Do you trust your balance, Kaz?” she had asked, and suddenly she was holding his crow-headed cane in her hands and Kaz was standing alone. “Do you trust your own two feet?”

He had started to walk towards her, holding one hand out. He didn’t know if he was reaching for his cane of the flicker of her smile. Before he could reach either one, the dream had shattered, and he had awoken into the sunlight. The dream had disappeared, and Kaz was too hard-hearted to wish for its return. That, at least, was what he told himself.

He undid the protective charms that he cast around his bed every night and pulled himself unsteadily to his feet. He usually slept with his wand under his pillow, where no one could get it without waking him, and he kept his cane under the bed with a handy curse to keep it safe from wandering hands. Kaz fetched them both and began, slowly and painfully, to get dressed.

He was exhausted and denying it to himself. 

He preferred getting dressed when the dormitory was empty. The other boys in his year weren’t enemies by any stretch of the imagination– Specht and Rotty were his closest companions, and Swann and Bastian were a decent sort– but he didn’t like the way their eyes sometimes strayed to him when he was at his most defenseless. When he was younger, showing that much skin before the other boys drove him out of his mind with fear. He could bear it now, but he preferred solitude. No one to stare at his scars or pale skin. No one to ask about the crow on his forearm or the black _R_ on his bicep.

If Kaz had one flaw– one flaw he despised in himself, at least; listing the flaws that others saw in him would take ages– it was his tendency to be drowsy and slow in the mornings. It would be the death of him someday. Someone was going to wake him up with a knife to his throat and he was going to ruin everything by yawning.

He wished he could spring awake alert and ready to kill a man, the way Specht always seemed to. But he couldn’t. It was like his body ran on autopilot, pulling on trousers and finding a tie, while his mind struggled to come online.

It helped to deal with things in order. The dream he considered and discarded within a moment. The idea of breakfast passed in a similar fashion– he wasn’t hungry. Memories from the night before were trickling in, demanding attention. Kaz kept his eyes closed as he buttoned up his shirt, remembering the dark forest, the cold air, the moonlight and Inej’s face in the moonlight. He had expected to find Wylan. The fact that they hadn’t was like a thorn in his side, or an extra ache in his leg. The seventh years had done a better job of stashing Wylan than Kaz had expected.

Kaz curled his lip at the thought of Gerrigan and Shay. Bastards and cowards. He hoped they would rot in St. Mungo’s. Crossing Kaz had been their last mistake.

Their first mistake, of course, had been assuming that Wylan was an easy target. Kaz had no doubt that Wylan had given the two older boys hell when he was being abducted. Shay and Gerrigan had both had burn scars up their arms when Kaz got ahold of them, and they were both also dealing with the aftereffects of some poison or another. That, along with a handful of vague rumors, was what had tipped Kaz off in the first place. Gerrigan and Shay weren’t clever enough to pretend like they had just gotten food poisoning or something; they had gone straight to Radmakker for antidotes, claiming they had dosed each other by mistake. But the handiwork had undoubtedly been Wylan’s. He had given it his all, despite not having a chance against two seventeen-year-olds.

Kaz put on his robes and pulled them straight. He didn’t appreciate boys who would only prey on students weaker than them. Shay and Gerrigan were a disgrace. He only hoped that they hadn’t truly hurt Wylan before abandoning him in the forest.

He didn’t linger in the dormitory once he was dressed. It was late in the day; he’d skipped Charms and missed breakfast, but Specht had probably saved him something. Kaz passed through the Slytherin common room and made his way up through the castle to meet Inej and the others.

The classroom they had picked as a meeting space was empty when Kaz arrived. He paced absentmindedly to the front of the room, where wide windows looked out over the grounds. No one was there to judge him for sitting on the windowsill and resting his leg for a moment. He could see down to Hoede’s cabin, and the Forbidden Forest beyond it. The trees looked green and healthy in the sunlight, nothing like the menacing versions of themselves they became at night. Kaz frowned. Hoede was teaching out by his cabin again. Searching for Wylan during the day, clearly, was still not an option.

He looked up when Matthias burst into the room, hauling Jesper by one shoulder. _“You_ can tell Kaz what you did,” Matthias snapped. “Go ahead.”

Kaz stood up. “Jesper?”

“I’ll wait, if it’s the same to you,” Jesper said, glaring at Matthias and pulling his robes straight. “Might as well tell all of you at once, if you’re going to make me.”

“Tell us what?”

Nina and Inej were standing in the doorway, right on time. Kaz did his best not to stare at Inej, whose sweater was missing and whose tie was loose and insolent around her neck. Nina still looked sleepy; she was yawning widely behind one hand.

Jesper scratched the back of his neck. “I told Professor Brum that Wylan is in the Forbidden Forest,” he muttered.

“Why?” Inej asked. She crossed her arms.

“I don’t know, I was worried!” Jesper said, throwing his arms out. “He’s stuck in the _Forest!_ There are all sorts of creatures in there!”

“And how exactly did you tell him that you knew where he was?” Kaz asked coldly. 

Jesper met his eyes directly. “I didn’t say anything about you,” he said. “I wouldn’t have, Kaz. I told him I heard those bastards Gerrigan and Shay talking about it.”

“So we’re fine, then,” Nina said. “The professors will find Wylan, Kaz doesn’t get expelled, and I heard Gerrigan and Shay were transferred to St. Mungo’s. Everything is fine.”

Kaz settled his cane against the ground. “That depends on how much faith you have in the professors,” he said, making his way towards the door. “Inej, dearest, will you come with me?”

“What are you going to do?” Matthias asked.

“Absolutely nothing,” Kaz said. He turned in the door to look back at them all, but he made sure his gaze was heaviest on Jesper. “The less you know about it, the better.”

He left. He didn’t have to look back to know that Inej was following.

She trailed him through the corridors and up two flights of stairs. It was a long time before she finally asked where they were going.

“There’s a passage that goes past the staff room,” Kaz said. “I can’t navigate it quietly with my cane, but you could. I want you to go in and listen to what the professors are saying. If Jesper just told them about Wylan, they’ll be having a meeting.”

Inej smiled, barely. “How did you find it?” she asked.

“I can’t give away all my secrets,” Kaz said easily. He stopped before a bare stretch of stone wall and pulled off one of his gloves. He could feel Inej’s gaze resting heavily upon him. “What?” he asked, when she continued to stare.

“I’ve never seen your bare hands before,” she said.

He frowned at her. “Yes you have.”

He didn’t tell her about one vivid memory he held, from their third year at Hogwarts. Defense Against the Dark Arts. A boggart. Inej, startled by the drowned corpse that manifested as Specht’s worst fear, had grabbed blindly at Kaz’s hand for one instant. Her skin had been warm. She had pulled away with an embarrassed half-smile as soon as she realized what she had done; Kaz had merely raised an eyebrow at the time, even though his senses were rioting.

Kaz remembered that touch. He tortured himself with it.

If Inej didn’t remember, Kaz was not going to bring it up.

Inej was still watching him with a pensive expression. Kaz flexed his pale fingers. He was afraid she was going to test him. He was afraid she was going to march forward and take one of his slender hands in her own, pressing her fingertips into the blue veins at his wrists. He was afraid of how much he wanted her to.

But she didn’t move as Kaz pressed his palm to the stone wall. Moments later a hidden door swung open and he strode inside, already pulling his gloves back on. Inej followed.

The passage grew more and more narrow as they went along. It wasn’t long before Kaz stopped, too wary of the noise his cane made to continue. “Keep going until you find the grate in the wall,” he said quietly to Inej. “You can see into the staff room from there. Come back if you hear anything important.”

Inej nodded. Then she slipped past Kaz before he could even draw in a breath. 

He waited, and tried not to think.

He didn’t mind the dark. He didn’t mind the close, pressing stone walls of the passageway. What he did mind was the memory of Inej, close and then gone in the space of an instant. Even in the narrow corridor she had been so careful not to touch him. Kaz tipped his head back against the wall and closed his eyes.

Inej appeared at his side silently, over half an hour later. Kaz didn’t move. He could tell she was there by the mere warmth of her. “Any news?” he asked softly.

“They’re sending three professors to look for him,” Inej said quietly in his ear. “And they’re setting up a guard at the front door at night so no one else can sneak out.”

“Which professors?”

“Radmakker, Hoede, and Haskell,” Inej said.

“Damn. There’s no hope for Wylan, then.” Kaz settled his cane more firmly in his hand and started walking back down the passage.

“You don’t really think that, do you?”

“I’m willing to let them prove me wrong,” Kaz said. “But if Haskell is the one looking I’ll be shocked if he finds anything other than Wylan’s corpse.”

“Don’t say that to Jesper.”

“Do you think I would?”

“Yes.”

Kaz considered that for a moment. “Yeah, you’re probably right.”

The emerged into the corridor. Inej blinked and cast a quick spell. “Dammit, Kaz,” she said, “you’ve made me late for Charms.”

“I’ll leave you to tell Nina and Jesper what you heard, then,” Kaz said. “Aren’t they in that class with you?”

She nodded, looking at him with a trace of suspicion. Kaz shrugged it off. “I’ll see you later,” he said, and limped away. He didn’t hear Inej’s footsteps start in the other direction, but that didn’t surprise him. Inej was as silent as a ghost.

Kaz made his way across the school. He was late too, for Defense Against the Dark Arts, but Professor Rollins couldn’t hold his attention on a good day, and this certainly wasn’t one of those. He slipped into the classroom and took his usual seat between Specht and Rotty.

Rollins paused in the middle of his speech about vampires. “You’re late, Brekker,” he said. “Care to share why?”

“Got caught up by a poltergeist,” Kaz said, affecting an innocent look. “I came as soon as I could.”

Rollins stared at him intently for a moment before deciding that if Kaz was lying, it wasn’t worth trying to find out why. “We’re on page 394,” he said finally. “Ask your seatmates to give you the notes you missed.” Then he continued lecturing.

Specht shot Kaz a rotten look. “You never get in trouble for being late,” he muttered under his breath. 

“You’re chronically tardy, Specht,” Kaz murmured back. “You have to hoard those occasions. Treasure them. Then when the time comes, put them to their best use.”

Rotty slid over a page of messy parchment notes and said, “What was so important this time?”

Kaz slid the notes right back. He’d already read the chapter on vampires, and he doubted Rollins would be able to tell him anything new about them. “I’ll tell you later,” he said. “Right now the whole thing is still unfurling. Certain pieces still need to be put in place.”

Specht and Rotty exchanged glances but didn’t say anything else. The continued furiously taking notes throughout the class while Kaz sat idly between them, playing with his quill and wondering how Wylan was faring in the dark corners of the Forbidden Forest.

The afternoon and evening were as tense as an emergency room. Kaz didn’t speak to the others until dinnertime, though he’d caught their questioning stares more than once in the corridors between classes. Each time he’d waved them away. He’d had no news to share.

With dinner, however, came news. Kaz was sitting with Specht and finishing a modest plate of some sort of pie when Inej appeared suddenly at his shoulder. “Kaz, look,” she said.

Kaz looked.

Radmakker was walking into the Great Hall, radiating cold and weariness. 

Kaz pulled himself painfully out of his seat and made his way across the hall with Inej at his side, leaving Specht behind. By the time they intercepted Radmakker, the others had also noticed and were drawing close. Kaz, Inej, Nina, Jesper, and Matthias surrounded Radmakker before he could reach the high table.

“Did they find him?” Jesper demanded. 

Radmakker looked at them all very solemnly. “Not yet,” he said. “I’m afraid the news isn’t good.”

“What is it?” Nina asked. She seemed to be the only one who could still use her voice.

Radmakker shook his head. “We have not located Wylan Van Eck,” he said. “We did, however, find his wand.”

There was a moment of stunned silence. Then Matthias asked, “He’s lost in the Forest without his _wand?”_ in a horrified tone, and the entire group erupted. 

Jesper lurched forward like he was going to fly at Radmakker. He didn’t make it far; Kaz held him back with one gloved hand on Jesper’s wrist.

“Where was it?” Nina breathed.

Radmakker shook his head slowly. “On the path that leads to the Acromantula colony,” he said. “Very bad business indeed.”

Kaz bit the inside of his lip. They had gone in the opposite direction of the colony last night. There had been no way to know, of course, but he felt a stirring of anger nonetheless. _If only._

“Are you just giving up?” Inej demanded.

Radmakker shook his head and held his hands up, like he was entreating them to listen. “Professor Haskell and Professor Hoede are still looking,” he said, trying to be soothing. “We’re not going to rest until Wylan is found.”

“Why are you here, then?” Nina asked frankly. Radmakker turned to face her, affronted. As he did so, he pulled his cloak back from one shoulder, revealing a slender birch wand sticking out of one pocket of his robes.

Kaz caught Inej’s eye and tipped his head towards Radmakker. Inej furrowed her brow for a moment and then nodded.

“…and furthermore,” Radmakker was saying, “You need to trust that the professors are doing all that they can.” He drew his cloak around him again in a huff. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to eat!” He marched away from them.

The group stared after him, exasperated and upset. “I’ve lost my appetite,” Nina muttered, and she headed for the doors of the hall. The others followed her.

“I never thought I’d hear you say that,” Inej said, but her usual teasing tone fell flat.

“It’s not the end of the world,” Jesper tried to say as they reached the door to the entrance hall. His listless tone was at odds with the words coming out of his mouth. “Wylan is still out there somewhere, I’m sure he’ll be fine.”

“Not even Professor Radmakker could find him,” Nina said fretfully.

Matthias rolled his eyes. “I’m not surprised. Radmakker is a spineless fool.”

“Detention, Helvar.”

The entire group froze. Matthias’s face went pale as he turned around. “Sir,” he said, “please.”

Jarl Brum gave him an unimpressed look. “I expected better from you,” he said. “Head Boy and Quidditch captain. You should show your professors the appropriate respect.” He shook his head slowly. “Ten points from Hufflepuff. You’ll be serving your detention with me at nine.”

“Yes, sir,” Matthias said. His face was red.

Brum stepped past them and swept away through the entrance hall without another word.

Kaz limped in the opposite direction across the hall, his expression grim. He didn’t need to look back to know that the others were following him, unconsciously slowing their paces to match his.

He led the way up two painful flights of stairs and into an empty classroom. As soon as they were all through the door Jesper said, “We have to go look for Wylan again.”

Matthias glared at them all and threw himself into a chair. “I can’t,” he said stiffly. “I have detention.”

“We know,” Kaz said. “Well done, you.”

“Don’t, Kaz,” Nina sighed. Matthias balled his hands into fists.

“We’re going without you,” Jesper said. He seemed impervious to the tension in the group; his eyes were wandering, uncertain and upset. “We can’t leave him out there for another night.”

Privately, Kaz thought it unlikely that waiting another night would do any more harm than Wylan had already experienced. But he didn’t voice the thought. He knew what it was like, to look for someone. To wait for news. Every day lasted a hundred years. There was no need to twist the knife in Jesper’s side just yet.

He had no reservations about Matthias, though.

“Tell me,” he said, “are you naturally so careless, or did you take lessons?” He took great delight in watching Matthias’s face flood with angry color.

“Watch your fucking mouth, Brekker.”

“That’s rich, coming from you,” Kaz said.

“Give it a rest, Kaz,” Inej said sharply. Kaz narrowed his eyes but didn’t interrupt as she kept talking. “What’s done is done. We still need to focus on finding Wylan, since the professors obviously can’t.”

“You’re more likely to get caught if you go tonight,” Matthias warned.

“Brilliant,” Kaz said. “So we’re going anyway?”

“Obviously,” said Inej.

“Duh,” said Nina.

“Of course,” said Jesper.

Matthias sighed deeply and tipped his head back to stare at the ceiling. “I hate my life,” he informed the empty air. He shot a look at Jesper. “You made this a hundred times more risky than it needed to be.”

Jesper shuffled his feet. “I’m sorry,” he muttered. Kaz wanted to be angrier at him. He couldn’t quite manage it. Something about Jesper’s mannerisms had always reminded Kaz irresistibly of his brother Jordie. Jordie had even been a Hufflepuff, just like Jesper. It did awful things to Kaz’s head. He turned his head away so he wouldn’t have to respond to Jesper’s apology.

“Don’t say sorry,” Inej said. “Just don’t do it again.”

“Do you want me to try and sneak out once my detention is done?” Matthias asked Kaz.

Kaz shook his head. “Better if you stay here,” he said. “We’ll be able to get out of the castle okay, but we may need your help getting back in this time.” He made sure he had Matthias’s undivided attention. “We aren’t coming back until we find Wylan. If we don’t return by breakfast, tell Brum where we’ve gone.”

“What the hell, Kaz?” Nina demanded. “Do you want to get expelled?”

“If we’re not back by then we’re probably dead,” Kaz said scathingly. “I’d like someone to find my body before it gets eaten by one of Hoede’s spiders, thanks.” The others mulled that over for a moment. He could tell by looking at their downcast eyes that they agreed with him.

“We’ll send a message along once we find him,” Inej said quietly to Matthias. “Don’t tell Brum unless you think you have to.”

After that, there wasn’t much else to say. Matthias stalked out of the classroom first, throwing an unpleasant look at Kaz as he did so. Kaz flipped him off absentmindedly.

“I’ll see you later, Kaz,” Jesper said, following Matthias out the door. Inej and Nina were right on his heels, arm in arm. Kaz stepped out of the classroom a moment after them and pulled the door closed. When he looked around, Inej and Nina were already walking down the corridor, heads bent together as they talked. They were an odd pair, but not even Kaz could deny the depth of the friendship between them. 

He looked after them for a long moment. Then he made his way down to the Slytherin common room alone.

Once he entered the dungeon he found Specht staring moodily into the fire. “Brought you dessert,” Specht muttered, when Kaz sat in the armchair across from him. “You ran away before you could get any.”

Kaz didn’t have much of a sweet tooth, as a rule. But he didn’t bicker. Specht had tied up a pair of chocolate éclairs in a white handkerchief, which had his initials embroidered in the corner. “You’ve gotten chocolate all over this,” Kaz said, holding it out.

“Doesn’t matter,” Specht said. “I’ll put it in with the laundry.” He folded the handkerchief into a tidy square and stared at the fire as Kaz methodically ate one of the éclairs. Kaz felt it would be very poor for his reputation if he walked around with chocolate smeared on his mouth, so he took great care with every bite.

Kaz made a very good show of being the archetypal Slytherin. Specht, however, embodied it down to his bones. His family was old, his money was boundless, and his blood was pure. If you believed that sort of thing. Kaz certainly didn’t, even though the Brekker family was of that kind.

Specht also looked the part, albeit in a different manner. Kaz was pale and dark-haired, like an underfed writer. Someone who lurked in the night. Specht was all sharp angles and blond hair. He carried himself with an air of lazy insolence, more a spoiled prince than a starving poet. Kaz may have clung to shadows, but Specht was too moneyed to ever walk directly in the sun.

There were many ways to meet the expectation of an ideal Slytherin. Kaz and Specht carried them all with the same upright posture, for vastly different reasons. Specht had been born into those values. Kaz had not, though everyone thought he had.

“If you wanted backup you should have asked me,” Specht said abruptly. “Not Ghafa. I don’t understand that.”

Kaz leaned back in his chair and brushed the crumbs from his gloves. “What do you mean?”

“Your little stunt in the courtyard,” Specht said. “Everyone’s saying she stepped in, made it a fair fight. If you needed help you should have asked Rotty or me.”

“I didn’t need help,” Kaz said, “and I didn’t ask her to step in. She just did.”

Specht laughed, barely. “Typical Gryffindor.”

“Is that what this is about?” Kaz asked, gesturing to the remaining éclair. “Trying to stake a claim on me?”

Specht rolled his eyes. “You’re unbearable,” he said. “You and your four little ghosts. I don’t get it.”

“We’re working on something,” Kaz said easily.

“Yeah? Any particular reason I’m not allowed in?”

“It’s not a con, Specht. No Galleons at the end of this one. I assumed you wouldn’t be interested.”

“If there’s no gold than why the hell are you playing?” Specht complained. “Don’t answer that, I don’t need your cryptic bullshit.” He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Listen, if you want to run around with the Gryffindor girls playing found family I’m not going to stop you. But stop making me find out about your courtyard dalliances the day after they happen, yeah? It’s unbearable to not understand what everybody’s talking about. Ruins my mood _and_ my street cred.”

“Do you ever actually get disgusted by the words coming out of your mouth?” Kaz asked. “The ease with which you say them is actually quite worrisome.”

“Ah, fuck you, Brekker.”

“I wouldn’t fuck Kaz,” came a new voice. “Too skinny for me. Too many sharp edges.” Rotty dropped onto the rug in front of the fire and leaned back on his hands. “What are we talking about?”

If Kaz was a poet and Specht a prince, then Rotty was the courier who ran between the two. He was a rare breed, a Muggleborn Slytherin and a good man to boot. Kaz found him almost unbearably upstanding. But he was one of the cleverest people Kaz knew. No one else had as good of a head for getting into– and out of– trouble.

“Kaz is replacing us and I’m simply out of my mind with grief,” Specht said tonelessly. Rotty grinned. Then he spotted the remaining éclair.

“You going to eat that?”

“Be my guest,” Kaz muttered, handing it over.

“See, Specht?” Rotty said, with his mouth full of pastry and chocolate. “Kaz is fine. Nothing to worry about. Same old generous guy we all know and love.”

Kaz kicked him.

“Oh, finally,” Specht said. “I was beginning to worry it really wasn’t you.” He stood up and straightened his sweater. “I’m going to bed. Don’t make any noise when you come in or I’ll hex the both of you.”

“Draw your wand on me and I’ll snap it in half,” Kaz said flatly.

“Goodnight, Rotty. Go fuck yourself, Kaz.”

Rotty pulled himself into Specht’s abandoned armchair. “What a well-tempered boy,” he said, straight-faced. “I’m sure his mother is so proud.”

Kaz didn’t answer. He had taken up staring into the fire, mimicking Specht’s position from earlier. His mind was tracking lazy routes through the castle and onto the grounds.

He didn’t notice when Rotty went to bed a while later, yawning and grumbling about an unfinished Charms essay. He didn’t react to the lights in the common room growing dimmer as more and more students went to their dormitories. He was lost in thought, treading the familiar stone passages in his head and imagining the almost-imperceptible sound of light footsteps behind him. Like a shadow, or a ghost, or a wraith.

He had agreed to meet Jesper and the girls at midnight. It was quarter to when he finally stood from his chair and picked up his cane. The common room was empty; most Slytherins had class bright and early in the morning. Specht and Rotty, at least, would both be in Herbology right after breakfast. If Kaz didn’t come back, they wouldn’t know until Transfiguration with Haskell.

He left the common room and made his way up through the castle, sticking to out-of-the-way corridors and staircases. Teachers and prefects weren’t often out at night, but the professors might be acting jittery after Wylan’s abduction. Kaz wasn’t going to take any chances.

He could also tell that someone was following him. Their footsteps were almost silent, but Kaz had trained himself to be able to hear _Inej_ when she walked. No one could ever emulate Inej’s silence.

He didn’t bother trying to confront his tracker. Nor did he try to lose them. He just kept walking.

Jesper, Nina, and Inej were waiting near the kitchens, as planned. They didn’t speak when Kaz arrived, just nodded to him in acknowledgement and began moving as a group up to the entrance hall.

Kaz held out his cane to stop the others before they could leave the corridor that lead to the entrance hall. When he poked his head around, he saw that his caution had not been in vain; Onkle Felix was standing before the doors, idly rocking back and forth on his feet as he kept guard.

Kaz pulled back and told the others what he had seen. They all frowned, looking distressed.

“There’s no way we can get past him,” Nina whispered.

Kaz gave Jesper a long look. Jesper stared back. A muscle in his jaw twitched. 

“Kaz?” Inej asked.

Kaz just tipped his head towards Jesper.

“There’s a way,” Jesper said, reluctantly.

“What do you mean?” Inej whispered. Half her face was hidden in shadow. The other half looked wary.

“Give me a moment,” Jesper murmured. “And _don’t make a sound.”_

The two girls nodded, confusion plain on their faces. Kaz settled his hands easily on the top of his cane and waited. He had positioned himself so that whoever had been tailing him– whoever was still tailing him– wouldn’t be able to see what Jesper was about to do.

“I don’t even want to know how you know,” Jesper muttered with a resentful glance towards Kaz. Then he took a deep breath and ducked his chin. His hands were fists at his sides.

He began to change.

Nina clapped one hand over her mouth. Inej didn’t move, but the one eye that Kaz could see watched with unblinking interest. Kaz forced himself to watch Jesper instead of her. Jesper was transforming before them. His grew shorter. The line of his jaw softened. Color began to bleed slowly from his skin in great patches, leaving him as pale as Kaz.

The eyes were the last thing to change. For one moment Kaz could still see Jesper’s determination shining out of them before the color shifted and brightened. The next instant, the person in front of them was, undoubtedly, Professor Jarl Brum.

“Wicked,” Inej whispered.

“Impossible,” Nina added.

“Metamorphmagus,” Kaz said shortly. “Are you okay?”

Not-Jesper stretched his arms out and cleared his throat, softly. “This is awful,” he muttered. His voice wasn’t quite right, but Kaz wasn’t going to be picky. He could only imagine how hard it must be for Jesper to transform into Brum with memory as his only aid. Kaz’s discerning eye could pick out a few flaws– Brum was not quite as short as Jesper had made him, and his hair was not quite so gray– but hopefully Onkle Felix wouldn’t be able to notice in the dimly-lit hall.

“Go ahead,” Kaz said, stepping back and sweeping an arm out. Jesper grimaced, rolled his shoulders, and stepped out onto the top of the staircase which lead down into the entrance hall.

Felix saw him immediately and straightened up. “Headmaster,” he said, with a nod. 

“Hello, Felix,” Jesper said, slowly descending the staircase. His voice was slow and measured, betraying none of the uncertainty he must be feeling. “I’m afraid I need to call you away from your post for a moment.”

“Is everything well?”

“Oh– yes. There’s been a disturbance in…the astronomy tower. I was hoping you would be able to help,” Jesper said. Kaz, watching carefully from around the corner, nodded in approval. The astronomy tower was miles away from the entrance hall. If Felix went there, they’d have ample time to escape.

“Of course,” Onkle Felix was saying. “Shall we go?”

Kaz heard Inej take a deep breath.

Jesper hesitated. “I have other business to attend to,” he said, after a moment’s pause. “I only came this way to relay the message.”

“Oh, of course,” Felix said. He was clearly confused, but he didn’t protest. “It’s been quiet tonight, anyway. I don’t think there will be trouble while I’m gone.”

“I should expect not,” Jesper said. He was a marvel– though the voice was a bit low, he’s gotten Jarl Brum’s speech patterns down to a science. Kaz was impressed.

Felix had stepped away from the door and was moving towards the stone staircase on the other end of the hall. “I’ll be off, then,” he said. “Goodnight, Headmaster.”

“Goodnight, Felix.”

Kaz, Inej, and Nina stayed hidden until Felix’s footsteps faded away. When they crept out of the shadows to join Jesper on the stairs, Jesper had already begun to morph into himself. His skin was darkening and eyes were returning to brown. Kaz watched, fascinated. When the transformation was complete, Jesper stared back. It looked like he had made himself an inch taller.

“That’s lovely,” Nina said warmly. “Jesper, I had no idea.”

Jesper smiled uneasily. “My mom was one,” he said. “Made my dad a bit uneasy, though. I don’t use it much.”

“You should,” Kaz said shortly. “Let’s just hope he didn’t notice your Hufflepuff tie. Ready?”

“Ready,” the other three said in unison; Jesper was looking down at his tie with a frown. Without another moment’s pause, they slipped down the steps, out of the castle, and into the chilly night.

Kaz felt alive. He liked achievable goals. He liked the way they felt in his gloved hands. Wylan was lost, but he would be found. Kaz was expecting victory, and it tasted like cold midnight air in his mouth. It looked like moonlight shining on Inej’s dark hair.

It sounded like the almost-imperceptible rustle of wings. Kaz slowed to a halt and held his arm out. The others turned, surprised, just in time to see Kettering land on Kaz’s wrist.

Kaz had to work hard not to smirk at their impressed expressions.

He clicked his tongue softly at Kettering and held his arm up so she could fly away again. “Wait a moment,” he said to the others. “Watch where she goes.”

It was impossible to tell where Kettering went, of course. She was a shadow against a black sky. Before anyone could point this out, there was a barely muffled shriek from behind them. Everyone but Kaz whirled around.

_“Stupefy!”_ Inej cast the spell unhesitatingly. It lit the grounds around them red for one moment, and illuminated Dunyasha Lazareva’s surprised face as she toppled backwards into the grass. The darkness returned in an instant, leaving all of them nearly blind. They stayed still for a long moment, breathing.

Kaz was the first one to move. Nina was the first one to say anything: “What the _hell?”_

“She followed me,” Kaz said, illuminating his wand and cupping one hand around it so the light couldn’t be seen from the castle. “I heard her footsteps in the corridor.”

Dunyasha was laying back on the grass, not moving. Kettering was strutting around her head, preening. The crow looked completely healed, which Kaz appreciated. He had been worried about her. He held out his cane and let her perch on the end.

“And you didn’t think to stop her before she followed us out here?” Jesper demanded. His eyes were wide, and he looked upset. He had to be wondering if Dunyasha had seen him transform.

“Confronting her in the castle would have been too noisy,” Kaz said. “It had to be here.” He wanted to say more. He wanted to tell Inej that she had done a good job Stunning Dunyasha. That her aim was impeccable in the dark. That her face, lit red for the barest moment by the light of the spell, had looked otherworldly and incredible. He didn’t say any of it. He stroked Kettering’s spine instead and let his eyes meet Inej’s for one moment.

She inclined her head, seeming to understand anyway.

“Are we just going to leave her here?” Jesper asked.

“Yes,” Kaz said. “We need to keep moving.”

The other three nodded. Kaz stood up and extinguished his wand. They left the body there in the grass without another word. 

If it was a premonition, it did not give Kaz pause. By the time Dunyasha woke up it would be too late for anyone to stop them from entering the Forest. Even if she told on them, there was only so much trouble they could get in, and Kaz was willing to risk it. He led the way down the moonlit grounds with Kettering on his shoulder.

The four of them skirted Hoede’s cabin at the edge of the Forest and plunged into the trees. Inej and Nina were holding hands; Jesper was right at Kaz’s back, wary of straying too far. Kaz could almost feel Jesper’s breath on his nape. He gritted his teeth and relit his wand with a quick _Lumos._ Kettering took off from his shoulder and landed on a tree branch not far ahead of the group.

“We should head for the Acromantula colony,” he said. He could see his own breath in the wand light. “That’s our best bet.”

“The professors were there and didn’t see him,” Nina said.

“Yeah, but they found his wand,” Kaz argued. “Besides, how much faith do you have in Haskell and Radmakker?”

“None,” Inej muttered. She pulled out her own wand and lit it. Jesper and Nina followed suit.

Jesper looked out into the darkness. “Do you know how to get to the colony?”

“Yes.”

“Don’t ask,” Inej said, seeing Nina’s incredulous expression. Kaz raised his eyebrows and turned away. He didn’t like admitting to smugness, but it was difficult not to smile at Nina’s surprise.

“Let’s go,” he said.

They moved quickly and carefully through the trees, holding their wands aloft to spread the most light on either sides of the path. Kaz kept his eyes open wide, straining to see the silver light hitting curly hair or pale skin. Hopefully Wylan would see their wands and call out to them. But if he was injured, or sleeping, or _dead,_ they might walk right past him without realizing it.

Something rustled in the bushes. Jesper swore, swinging his wand around, and Inej jumped back. In her fright, she grabbed for Kaz’s hand.

He was both relieved and crushed that the black leather kept her palm from truly touching his. 

“A bird. I think,” Nina was saying, prodding her wand into the offending bushes. “Merlin, everything is so much scarier in the dark.”

“You’re just saying that because you don’t have Matthias the human shield this time,” Jesper muttered.

Kaz narrowed his eyes at the trees around them. “Not a bird,” he said after a moment. The sound of his voice seemed to shock Inej; she dropped his hand instantly. He tried to sound unaffected as he pointed with his cane and said, “Look.”

They looked. He watched their faces, curious. Was he the only one?

“Oh,” Jesper said. His eyes were wide and startled, but it was obvious that he could see the strange, skeletal creatures slipping through the trees toward them.

Kaz held out his hand to the nearest thestral, which sniffed it curiously.

“What are you doing?” Inej demanded. Kaz glanced back. She and Nina were watching with narrow, uncomprehending eyes. Jesper, however, was running one hand along another thestral’s skeletal neck.

“They’re thestrals,” Jesper said. “They won’t hurt you.” Two more thestrals appeared from behind the trees.

“Oh!” Nina said. “Oh, then you…” She cut herself off, looking contrite. Inej leaned back against a tree and peered around, curious but unwilling to move much further.

Kaz looked back at the thestral. He wondered who Jesper had seen die. He had seen them ever since he arrived at Hogwarts, thanks to Jordie.

“Pity we can’t use them,” Kaz said. He refused to let his voice break. “I don’t imagine they’d fly well through the trees, but if we take them above the Forest roof we wouldn’t be able to see Wylan.”

“It’s too bad they can’t talk,” Nina muttered. She still seemed unnerved. “Hoede always says they’re smart. I bet they would be able to find Wylan.”

“They’re not hunting dogs,” Kaz muttered. He gave the thestral nearest him another pat and stepped away. “We should keep moving.”

Jesper rubbed his thestral’s skinny ears and stepped across the clearing to join Kaz. The girls, however, didn’t move. “I don’t want to run into one,” Nina said unhappily, glancing around as though she expected the thestrals to suddenly make themselves visible.

“Walk straight towards me,” Jesper said. “There are none between us right now.”

Inej stepped forward first. She seemed determined to keep her face as impassive as possible, as though she wanted to prove her bravery. Nina followed, looking ill at ease.

“Now that that’s over,” Kaz said dryly, once they were all gathered around each other again, “let’s keep going.”

They started to move again. Inej had a frown on her face. She glanced at Kaz so many times it was a wonder she didn’t trip over a tree root– but then, Kaz supposed, she was uncannily graceful. One of the loveliest things about her was the effortless elegance with which she moved.

Kaz, however, did not like to be stared at. “What?” he asked tonelessly, after several minutes of her sidelong observation.

Inej didn’t look away. “I remember,” she said.

“What?”

“The boggart. I remember that day. I remember grabbing you by the hand.”

Kaz stayed silent.

“What changed between then and now?”

“Who said anything changed?”

“You didn’t wear gloves then. Your hand was so cold.”

Kaz kept his expression blank as he lifted one hand in front of his face and wiggled his fingers. “Hence, the gloves,” he said.

Inej shook her head. “No. It’s something else.” She pushed her dark hair back over her shoulder and Kaz was nearly thrown from his feet with want. “You don’t have to tell me,” she said. “I just wanted you to know. I remember that day.”

“Good for you.” 

He was glad they were looking for Wylan. He had to focus intently on watching the ground around him, so he couldn’t stare at the back of Inej’s head as she walked ahead, deeper into the gloom of the Forest.


	6. Wylan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> at long last

It was very dark.

Wylan was nestled between a pair of tree roots, curled in on himself like a shell. He kept his eyes shut, drifting in and out of sleep, or something like forced unconsciousness. His body was an alloy of different types of pain. Parched throat, wretchedly empty stomach. The dull discomfort of his bruised ribs. The sharper ache of his ankle, broken or sprained. Whatever it was, it hurt like hell, and Wylan couldn’t walk on it.

His thoughts turned in slow, hazy circles. He ought to move. He ought to crawl. Dig his hands into the dirt and pull himself out of the darkness. 

But he’d already tried crawling. His hands were covered in scrapes and mud. 

He just wanted to stay there, leaning against his tree. Maybe if he stayed still long enough the roots would grow over him and pull him inside. He felt like it would be warm and soft inside a tree, if he were a part of it. If his bones were replaced with wood. 

Even to himself, he knew that he wasn’t making any sense.

A cold raindrop landed right on the top of Wylan’s head, startling him out of his thoughts. It was enough to rouse him but not enough to make him move. He kept his eyes shut.

_Not safe,_ his mind whispered. _You’re not safe here._ He pushed the thoughts away. He tried to think about the castle instead. Moving staircases. And moving portraits. Everything moved, really; Wylan always felt like the corridors were playing an elaborate joke on him and shifting their order every time he was late to class. Yes, everything moved. Teachers and students. Fast and slow. Wylan was a slow sort. He liked to linger. Everyone else seemed faster. Jesper was faster. A faster walker, talker, flyer. Quick to draw his wand. Awfully clever. If he were here he might tease Wylan, for being so tired. Wylan could feel himself being drawn gently back and forth over the threshold of sleep.

He kept thinking about Jesper– or perhaps he was dreaming about him now. There was no way to tell. In the dream, Jesper was making sparks fly out of his fingertips. His smile was so wide that Wylan felt like he had to return it. No one smiled as wide as Jesper. It was a lovely thing. Wylan always wondered if Jesper had picked out his smile for himself, to make it as warm as possible. No one else ever asked or noticed or cared, though, so Wylan had to pretend like he didn’t either.

Because hey, they all went to a school of magic. No one else thought much of it when Jesper showed up with blue eyes instead of brown one day, and no one was close enough to notice the phase he’d gone through in his third year where he’d splashed dark freckles across his own skin like stars. He was taller than almost everyone by several centimeters– who was going to notice if it changed a bit, day by day?

Wylan had noticed.

When he’d arrived at the school as a first year, shivering with fright and excitement, he’d thought Jesper was the nicest-looking boy he’d ever seen. That had never gone away, even though Wylan was a year younger, even though Jesper was a Hufflepuff and Wylan was a Ravenclaw. They didn’t share classes, or friends. They hardly ever spoke. But Wylan had nursed a foolish infatuation nonetheless, one that allowed him to notice Jesper’s strange, fickle appearance.

He’d never asked Jesper about it. He wished he had. He should have said how much he had liked Jesper’s dark freckles. He should have said how startling Jesper looked with blue eyes.

In the dream, Wylan reached through the sparks to put his hand on Jesper’s jaw. He was close enough to kiss. Maybe it wasn’t a dream, but a memory. There was no way to know the difference. It seemed familiar. Maybe Wylan had done this before. Or maybe he had dreamt it so many times that it felt like a memory, like a stone worn smooth in someone’s hand.

“Wylan,” someone said. Wylan didn’t open his eyes. He was dreaming. Jesper wouldn’t be here.

But then there were hands on his shoulders, his chest, one circling his wrist. “Wylan,” the voice said again, more urgently. “Wy, come on. _Rennervate.”_

Warmth spread over his chest. Wylan felt like he’d been lowered into a pool of hot water. He cracked open his eyes. Jesper was crouched over him, looking terrified. Both of his soft hands came up to frame Wylan’s face.

“That’s it,” Jesper murmured. “Hello, sunshine.”

“Jesper,” he tried to say. His throat was like a cracked stone. 

“Is he okay?” another voice whispered. 

“He looks alive,” a third voice said, colder.

“Kaz?” Wylan tried to say. His voice broke again and he started to cough.

“Shh, shh,” Jesper whispered. He pulled Wylan forward into a gentle embrace and rubbed a hand down his spine. He was so warm Wylan could have cried. He buried his face in the crook of Jesper’s neck. “We’ve got you, Wy,” Jesper was saying. “You’re okay.”

“Under the threat of expulsion, but okay,” someone said. It sounded like Nina. Wylan wanted to laugh. What an absurd group had come to find him! He had to be dreaming. Or maybe he was dead. 

“We need to get back,” a new voice said. Inej? Wylan wasn’t sure. “It’s almost dawn.”

“Are you okay to move?” Jesper murmured in Wylan’s ear.

“He doesn’t have a choice,” Kaz said.

Wylan looked up and met Kaz’s dark eyes with his own. “I can move,” he said. His voice was faint and raspy. “Not walk. My ankle…”

Kaz’s expression darkened. 

“I can make you a splint,” Nina said. She knelt next to Jesper and Wylan. In her red Gryffindor robes, she was the brightest thing Wylan had seen in days. “Which ankle, Wylan?”

Jesper moved away to let Nina work, but he didn’t go far, and he didn’t take his hand off Wylan’s shoulder. Wylan was grateful. He felt like he would fly to pieces without something to ground him. He still couldn’t believe they were here.

He looked up and found Kaz staring at him still. “How?” he whispered. He couldn’t manage any other words, but Kaz seemed to understand. _How did you find me?_

Kaz knelt too, so their eyes were level with each other. “I found Gerrigan and Shay,” he said softly. His voice radiated anger. “I got them to talk. We came as soon as we could.”

“He also put them in St. Mungo’s,” Inej said dryly. She was standing behind Kaz with her arms crossed. “They shouldn’t bother you again.”

“They won’t,” Wylan said. “Poisoned them both. Bastards.” He started to cough again.

“How did you manage to poison them while being captured?” Nina asked. She had done something to Wylan’s ankle that had numbed it before she conjured ropes for the splint.

Wylan tried to shrug. “I always carry something,” he muttered. At his side, Jesper laughed softly. Wylan felt Jesper’s hand move into his hair and tangle itself in the dirty curls. He tried to turn away, embarrassed.

“That’s all I can do here,” Nina said. The splint around his ankle looked as neat as could be, but he was numb nearly to his knee. “Can you stand?”

“Yeah.” Wylan tried to pull himself to his feet. Jesper dragged him most of the way up, and kept an arm around him once he was standing. Wylan was too grateful for the support to try and shrug him off. His vision spun and darkened for a moment, but he gritted his teeth and ignored it.

“We should go,” Kaz said. He had his head turned away from the rest of the group. “It won’t be long before the sun starts to rise.”

“Here, Wylan,” Inej said quietly. She was holding out his wand.

Wylan did almost start to cry then. He reached out for it desperately. Gerrigan and Shay had hit him and tied him up and abandoned him, but none of it compared to the moment when they had ripped his wand from his fingers. He had felt thoroughly powerless.

He never wanted to feel like that again. He wrapped his hand around the handle of his wand and took a deep breath. 

“How did you get that off Radmakker?” Nina asked, impressed.

Inej just shrugged. “Kaz and I stole it.”

“I barely had a hand in the operation,” Kaz said. “Your thanks should go to Inej, not to me.”

“Thank you, Inej,” Wylan said. “And you, Kaz. And Nina. And Jesper, god.” He swiped angrily at his eyes again.

“Make sure you thank Matthias, too,” Nina chimed in.

“Matthias?”

“He would have been here,” Jesper said. “He got detention. But he’s been helping us.”

“And he’s waiting for us,” Kaz broke in. He pushed forward until he was directly in front of Wylan. “Ready?”

Wylan steeled himself. “Yes.”

“Then let’s go.”

“Someone should send a Patronus to Matthias,” Inej said.

“I’ll do it,” Nina offered. “He’ll recognize mine.” She pulled out her wand and made a face of intense concentration. Whatever memory she was focusing on brought the tilt of a smile to her mouth. _“Expecto Patronum.”_

Her silver cardinal Patronus burst from the end of her wand and took off through the trees. Within moments its bright glow was impossible to see through the gloom and dark branches.

Jesper kept one arm around Wylan, bearing most of the shorter boy’s weight and they moved slowly thought the trees. Wylan’s head hung down. The lingering effects of Jesper’s spell were leaving him, and he felt more exhausted and hurt than ever. 

He felt a light brush on one of his shoulders. “We should have brought him something to eat,” Nina fretted. “He’s been out here since Thursday night.”

“What day is it?” Wylan whispered in Jesper’s ear.

“Monday night,” Jesper murmured back. “Or Tuesday now, really. It’s way past midnight.”

“We need to keep moving,” Kaz said. His pale face was almost shining in the gloom on the Forest. He was surprisingly dexterous with his cane, using it to help him navigate around rocks and tree roots and uneven patches of ground.

Wylan supposed they had left some trail for themselves, to help them navigate back. He wished he had thought to do so when he was being bundled through the trees. Leave a trail of breadcrumbs. Or stones. Wasn’t that what people did? He couldn’t remember.

“Stay with me,” Jesper said in his ear. “Wylan? Wy?”

Wylan slipped sideways into unconsciousness again.

When he woke up, Specht was staring at him.

It took Wylan several long moments to orient himself. He was lying on a clean white bed, not curled in between tree roots. Most of the aches and pains on his body were duller now, as were the sensations of hunger and thirst. And the light had changed. Instead of the pervasive gloom of the Forest, the air was filled with the burnt orange color of sunset. 

The light cut across Specht’s face in impressive stripes where he was sitting, slouched in a chair with his eyes fixed on Wylan. Wylan turned his head and saw a long row of identical white beds. Hospital wing, then. That’s where he was. Rotty was sitting on his other side, dozing in a chair.

Wylan looked back at Specht and asked, “Jesper?” His voice was low and rough.

Specht wrinkled his nose, looking horrified. “Merlin, no.”

“No, I meant– where is he?”

“Oh.” Specht relaxed. “They’re all in Brum’s office, getting expelled.”

The sunlight was shining directly on his face, setting his eyes alight with a brilliant orange color. Rotty’s hair looked like it was on fire, but he still appeared to be sleeping.

“They can’t,” Wylan said. He tried to sit up. “They can’t get expelled, they saved me.”

Specht didn’t even get out of his chair; he leaned over, put one hand flat on Wylan’s chest, and pushed him back down onto the bed. “You’re not supposed to be moving,” he said primly. “Genya’s orders. Ordinarily I wouldn’t give a damn what her orders are, but Kaz also suggested it would be prudent for you to stay put.” He shrugged. “I trust his judgement.”

“Even though he’s about to get expelled?”

“You know, you’re right. I don’t trust his judgement at all.” Specht looked down the hospital wing like he was expecting someone to come bursting through the doors. “Cryptic bastard. You’re still not allowed to get up, though,” he added, seeing Wylan move out of the corner of his eye.

“I can’t let them get expelled,” Wylan argued.

“They’re not going to,” Rotty muttered, opening his eyes. He yawned widely and stretched.

“It was actually quite noble of them to go find you, of course,” Specht said with distaste. “Also, Brum doesn’t want to offend the Helvar or Brekker families, though why he would care about the Helvars is beyond me, they’re a nasty lot. I would know. I’m related to most of them.” He sighed theatrically.

“They’re all in trouble for sneaking out into the Forest,” Rotty said quietly. “Except for Helvar, he’s in trouble for being a co-conspirator or something. But they’ve made it very clear that it was out of concern for you, so.” He cleared his throat. “Very unlikely that they’ll actually be expelled.”

“You could help, of course,” Specht said. He was paging absently through a magazine he’d found somewhere. “Make sure Brum knows you would have died without their help. You could even cry a little.”

“That’s how Specht passes all his exams,” Rotty said, straight-faced. “He’s giving you his best insider’s tips.”

“Kindly fuck off, Rotty, dear.”

Wylan pushed his pillows up against the headboard of the white bed and sat up, ignoring Specht’s frown. “What day is it?” he asked.

“Still Tuesday,” Rotty said. “You’ve been out the entire day, and your merry band of misfits have been in interrogation since you all got back.”

“They should be here soon,” Specht added. “You woke up just in time.”

Wylan pulled the covers up over his chest a little more firmly. “Why are you two here?” he asked. He wished he could have woken up with someone else watching over him. Someone whose snide conversation didn’t give him a headache.

“Kaz wanted someone to sit with you. Also Fahey was raising a fuss, saying you shouldn’t be left alone.” Rotty rolled his eyes. “As if you were in danger in the _hospital wing._ Honestly I’d love to see someone try and go against Genya. They’d be annihilated.”

“For once, I agree with you,” Specht said pensively. Before he could say anything else, the door to the hospital wing opened.

Jesper stood frozen in the doorway for one moment, staring. Then someone shoved him from behind and the whole crew came spilling into the hall. “Wylan!” Nina called, as soon as she saw him sitting up. 

She and Jesper ran along the rows of beds to get to him, followed closely by Matthias. Kaz followed at a slower pace, grimacing as he set his weight against his cane. Inej stayed at his side, but her eyes were dancing with delight when she looked at Wylan.

“I think this is my cue to leave,” Specht said calmly, standing up. “I hate reunions.”

Wylan barely heard him. Jesper was _there,_ he was there and he was _fine,_ sitting right on the edge of Wylan’s bed and ruffling Wylan’s hair. “Hello, sunshine,” Jesper said, wiggling his eyebrows. “Miss me?”

Wylan reached out and hugged him. Then he held out an arm to Nina too, who gladly joined in from the other side. Their embrace was warm and gentle and Wylan wished he could stay in that moment forever, wished he could trap it in glass and keep it for as long as he lived.

When he finally looked up he saw that Matthias and Inej had taken the chairs abandoned by Specht and Rotty. Kaz was standing at the end of the bed like a sentinel, with his hands folded neatly atop his cane. “Good job on not dying,” he said dryly, when Wylan met his eyes. “I would have hated to go through all that trouble for nothing.”

Matthias buried his head in his hands. Wylan just smiled. “You would have missed me,” he said.

“I would have missed your potion brewing,” Kaz corrected. 

“Kaz is determined to be unsentimental,” Inej said. She had her legs curled up beneath her in her chair. “Welcome back, Wylan.”

She looked exhausted. They all did. Wylan glanced around at them all, smile fading. “And are you all okay?” he asked worriedly. “Specht said Brum wanted to expel you.”

“He wanted to, but he didn’t,” Nina said. “We’re basically heroes right now.”

“We have detention for the next two months, though,” Jesper added. “But we each got fifty points for our houses!”

“Which is categorically unfair, if you ask me,” Kaz said. “There are two Gryffindors and two Hufflepuffs, but only one of me.”

“Don’t be too upset, Kaz,” Wylan said. “It’s not like I earned anything for Ravenclaw by letting myself get fucking kidnapped.”

Their smiles dropped, or became strained. Jesper carefully but gracelessly shoved Wylan over a bit so he could sit next to him on the bed. 

“Do you know why they went after you?” Nina asked softly.

Wylan ducked his head. “I caught them terrorizing a first year,” he muttered. “They had him hung upside down by his ankle and were taking turns hexing him. I intervened. It didn’t go well.” He rubbed absentmindedly at a bruise on his arm, feeling foolish.

“Was he okay?” Matthias asked. “The first year?”

“Yeah, he got away.” Wylan swallowed. “I figured it would be better if they went after me. I’m useless in a duel, though, and the only poison I had on me was slow-acting.”

Jesper and Matthias both looked murderous. So did Kaz, but he usually did anyway. Nina looked ready to kill a man. Inej had fallen asleep in her chair. Seeing her reminded Wylan how exhausted he was. Someone had tended to all his cuts and scrapes, but he still felt worn-out and ragged. The edges of his mind were raw. He felt that if he thought too hard about what had happened he would fly into a panic attack.

“We should let you sleep,” Matthias said, breaking the momentary silence. “Genya said you should stay here overnight.”

“Where is Genya?” Nina asked, looking around.

“She was called up to report on Wylan’s injuries,” Kaz said. “She’ll be back soon.”

“How do you even know that?” Matthias complained.

Kaz shrugged. “I just listen. Most people do, you know.”

“Yes, but none of them are Kaz fucking Brekker,” Matthias said.

Kaz raised both dark eyebrows. “That sounds like a compliment.”

Matthias just shook his head, but there was a ghost of a smile on his face. Wylan felt like something monumental had happened while he was missing.

“Well, I’m too tired to move,” Jesper said grandly. He wiggled around until he was lying flat on the hospital bed, curled against Wylan’s side. “Guess I’ll just have to stay here.”

“You’re a disgrace, Fahey,” Matthias said, standing up. He stopped talking when he saw Wylan gently run his fingers through Jesper’s hair.

“I just remembered I have urgent business to attend to in the dining hall,” Nina said, sliding off the bed. “Though I should get this one back to Gryffindor Tower first,” she added, looking at Inej.

Inej was still curled in the chair, gently sleeping. Kaz stepped over to look at her. For a moment it seemed like he was going to pick her up and carry her himself, but he didn’t do anything of the sort. He just shook his head and stepped away again. “She might fight you if you try to pick her up,” he warned Matthias.

“We shouldn’t wake her, though,” Nina said. 

Matthias just shrugged and very carefully leaned down to lift Inej out of the chair. Kaz watched the entire exchange with a flat, impassive expression, but Wylan didn’t miss the way his fingers tightened on his cane. Inej didn’t stir. She looked smaller than usual, bundled in Matthias’s arms.

Matthias looked at Nina. “I’ll walk you back to Gryffindor Tower,” he said quietly. Nina nodded. After she gave Wylan another brief hug, the three of them left the hospital wing. All Wylan could see, past Matthias’s broad shoulders, were Inej’s slender feet and the dark curtain of her hair.

“You’re just going to let Matthias steal your girl like that, Kaz?” Jesper asked, grinning.

“I will hex you,” Kaz said flatly. “Inej doesn’t belong to me.”

He was still standing at the foot of the bed, staring towards the doors. The sunset was in its full glory by then, and it lit his white shirt up a brilliant gold against his black robes. Wylan blinked at him sleepily.

“It’s not like you can’t brew a damn potion, Kaz,” he said. “You don’t need me just for that.”

Kaz turned to look at him. His face was like warm amber in the light. 

“Thank you for coming to find me,” Wylan added. “I would have literally died.”

He felt Jesper’s hand curl around one of his wrists protectively. When Wylan glanced down, Jesper had moved his head to kiss Wylan’s knuckles.

“You should both get some sleep,” Kaz said. “Jesper, don’t forget that you have a detention to serve in the morning.”

“Yes, mother,” Jesper said. Then he yelped as Kaz shot a stinging hex right at his knee.

“I did warn you,” Kaz said. He slipped his wand up his sleeve and began to limp towards the doors without another word. Wylan listened to the familiar cadence of his soft footsteps and the sharp _tap_ of his cane against the stone floor until it faded away.

“Bastard,” Jesper was muttering, rubbing at his knee. “Kicking a man when he’s down. I’ve been through a lot today.”

Wylan scooted down until he could lay properly on the bed and pressed his face to Jesper’s shoulder. “It’s how he shows affection,” he said drowsily. “Through mild physical violence.”

Jesper snorted. “You think he’d do something like this to Inej?”

“Of course not,” Wylan said. He could feel sleep crashing into him like a wave against the shore. “I said affection, not love. He does that differently.”

“Are you saying Kaz doesn’t love me?”

“I’m saying Kaz’s love isn’t the one you should be worrying about right now,” Wylan said. He reached out blindly and caught Jesper’s hand in his own. Jesper kissed his knuckles again, and Wylan hummed, pleased. “Sorry you got detention,” he whispered.

“No worries, sunshine,” Jesper murmured back.

The bed was very warm. Wylan blinked. He could feel a sort of low heaviness in his chest, a casual reminder of the horrific experience of being lost in the Forest, alone. He was going to have to deal with that. He was going to have to confront the aftereffects and trauma. He’d had nightmares mixed in with his crazed imaginings while he was in the dark, and he wouldn’t be surprised if they still clung to him now that he was free.

But he didn’t want to face any of that yet. He was tired of crying, or paranoia. He was tired of everything. He wanted something gentle to keep for himself.

Wylan tugged on the collar of Jesper’s shirt with his free hand. He didn’t want to fall asleep yet, but he was powerless against his own drowsiness. “Jesper,” he whispered. “Will you kiss me?”

And Jesper did. His mouth was very soft. Wylan moved his hand from Jesper’s collar to the back of his neck and held him there. He was too shy to anything with his tongue or teeth; he’d hate it if Jesper thought he was bad at this. Because Wylan thought it was brilliant. It was the nicest thing to ever happen to him. He felt like he could kiss Jesper forever.

Jesper moved back a bit, so their noses were brushing. “You’re a marvel,” he said, and he ran one hand comfortingly down Wylan’s spine. “Go to sleep, yeah? I’ll be here when you wake up.”

Wylan slept. His last impression was of a brand-new kiss pressed to the center of his forehead.

**Author's Note:**

> on tumblr i am [kvothes](http://kvothes.tumblr.com/tagged/x). come and say hello!


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